Dress Like A German – Male Edition

You didn’t think I would skip out on how to dress like a German- Male Edition, did you?!!??! The Female edition was such a hit! I just couldn’t resist 🙂 No worries, gentlemen, fret not. You’re ultimate German Style guide is here!!

Again…just to be on the safe side, let me just note for the record that this is in no way a reflection on all the people of Germany. This is in fact my opinion as I see it! My husband is a German and doesn’t dress this way so there is still hope for the German race!

With such stunning role models like these two lads from the uhh…German boy band?….Tokio Hotel, how could the German men not be the most fashionable in the world, right?

To be fair, the Men style themselves a little bit better than most of the women that I’ve seen. However, German men are quite handsome. I see way more beautiful men than women…but I think that has a lot to do with the fact that most of the women try to look like dudes with their short hair and poopy pants. But stay with me…you will see that the men also seem to want to dress like the women… Oh Germany…you confuse me!

1. Skinnier-than-Kate-Moss Jeans
Oh boy, this is exciting stuff! I just want to ask them…so…”how’s it uhh….hanging? Like seriously…HOW?!?” Ok, come on guys..is this really comfortable?! Between the women wearing saggy diaper pants and the boys wearing all baring skin leggings I’m a bit concerned. I’m all for gender equality and for those whacko people that don’t want their kids to identify with one gender so they call them Sam and dress them in brown. BUT this…this has gone way too far! This is NOT helping things in the procreation department, of that I’m sure. I mean…what does one say, “Hey…uh…nice thighs. They have a great shape.”

2. Scarves and V-necks, Bro
We all have said it or heard it at some point. The Euro men are stereotypically known for wearing V-neck shirts and scarves. Well, I’m here with the proof. It is true. They do wear such things and actually the scarves look kinda sexy, the V-necks though….ehhh….save those for the ladies with cleavage will ya? Your chest hair, or lack thereof is NOT attractive. Barf. Let me be clear about this. There is a subtle V-neck and then there is the Wait-is-that-a-hairy-nipple V-neck. I’m talking about the latter.
This picture is literally from a club 45 minutes away from us. I can.not.stop.laughing.

3. Socks with sandals
Yet another stereotype that has absolutely been proven. This has just gone viral and I’ve been trying to help fix these guys but there isn’t much I can do. They love the comfort I suppose. I almost prefer the skinny pants to this…ALMOST, I said.

4. The Mystery of the 3/4 Pants
In the name of all that is holy…WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!?!?!?!? No no no..and one more giant NO! These pictures I took myself. I actually stalked men, on the streets, to get you these pictures. I wish I was kidding but this is a trend that needs to die. Die a very tragic death. I’m sure Karl Lagerfeld twists in his underoos at the sight of these.

5. Can you hair me now?!
OK here is one thing that I actually like. The dudes definitely know how to style their hair. In fact, they actually have more hair than the girls here. Blah…hate those short haircuts, ladies! Anywho, take for example the fantastic Mario Gomez who plays for the FC Bayern soccer team. I see a lot of guys with this hairstyle. It’s swiped to the side and gelled to high heavens!

There you have it my lovelies! Sit back, take it all in, and reevaluate your closet. Oh and…you’re welcome. 🙂

Until next time, Readers!!!! xoxoxoxoxo