Dress Like A German – Male Edition

You didn’t think I would skip out on how to dress like a German- Male Edition, did you?!!??! The Female edition was such a hit! I just couldn’t resist 🙂 No worries, gentlemen, fret not. You’re ultimate German Style guide is here!!

Again…just to be on the safe side, let me just note for the record that this is in no way a reflection on all the people of Germany. This is in fact my opinion as I see it! My husband is a German and doesn’t dress this way so there is still hope for the German race!

With such stunning role models like these two lads from the uhh…German boy band?….Tokio Hotel, how could the German men not be the most fashionable in the world, right?

To be fair, the Men style themselves a little bit better than most of the women that I’ve seen. However, German men are quite handsome. I see way more beautiful men than women…but I think that has a lot to do with the fact that most of the women try to look like dudes with their short hair and poopy pants. But stay with me…you will see that the men also seem to want to dress like the women… Oh Germany…you confuse me!

1. Skinnier-than-Kate-Moss Jeans
Oh boy, this is exciting stuff! I just want to ask them…so…”how’s it uhh….hanging? Like seriously…HOW?!?” Ok, come on guys..is this really comfortable?! Between the women wearing saggy diaper pants and the boys wearing all baring skin leggings I’m a bit concerned. I’m all for gender equality and for those whacko people that don’t want their kids to identify with one gender so they call them Sam and dress them in brown. BUT this…this has gone way too far! This is NOT helping things in the procreation department, of that I’m sure. I mean…what does one say, “Hey…uh…nice thighs. They have a great shape.”

2. Scarves and V-necks, Bro
We all have said it or heard it at some point. The Euro men are stereotypically known for wearing V-neck shirts and scarves. Well, I’m here with the proof. It is true. They do wear such things and actually the scarves look kinda sexy, the V-necks though….ehhh….save those for the ladies with cleavage will ya? Your chest hair, or lack thereof is NOT attractive. Barf. Let me be clear about this. There is a subtle V-neck and then there is the Wait-is-that-a-hairy-nipple V-neck. I’m talking about the latter.
This picture is literally from a club 45 minutes away from us. I can.not.stop.laughing.

3. Socks with sandals
Yet another stereotype that has absolutely been proven. This has just gone viral and I’ve been trying to help fix these guys but there isn’t much I can do. They love the comfort I suppose. I almost prefer the skinny pants to this…ALMOST, I said.

4. The Mystery of the 3/4 Pants
In the name of all that is holy…WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!?!?!?!? No no no..and one more giant NO! These pictures I took myself. I actually stalked men, on the streets, to get you these pictures. I wish I was kidding but this is a trend that needs to die. Die a very tragic death. I’m sure Karl Lagerfeld twists in his underoos at the sight of these.

5. Can you hair me now?!
OK here is one thing that I actually like. The dudes definitely know how to style their hair. In fact, they actually have more hair than the girls here. Blah…hate those short haircuts, ladies! Anywho, take for example the fantastic Mario Gomez who plays for the FC Bayern soccer team. I see a lot of guys with this hairstyle. It’s swiped to the side and gelled to high heavens!

There you have it my lovelies! Sit back, take it all in, and reevaluate your closet. Oh and…you’re welcome. 🙂

Until next time, Readers!!!! xoxoxoxoxo

Are You Deutschland’s Next Superstar

The first few years of American Idol it was whacko how popular that show was. Even more whacko that there were so many good singers out there. I mean, the people who made it into the top ten of each season were pretty incredible. Heck, even the top twenty five! It produced a few good people like Kelly Clarkson, Jennifer Hudson, and Carrie Underwood. All the others kind of just flopped to my knowledge. But this show went viral and in many countries around the world started their own version.

There is the Arab Idol:

There is Norway Idol (pay close attention to her pronunciation of English words):

But here is one in their own language:

Thailand with a talented Transgender:

And of course….Deustchland’s Superstar. The only issue is, I think due to regulations on streaming video I can’t find much from the actual show. So, this will have to do. This girl is one of the 2 finalists at the end of the show which was SHOCKING! I’m not exactly sure how many tone deaf people actually reside in Germany, but clearly there are millions if they voted for her to the top. This was a song she sang at the finals and it sounded exactly like this so this is as close I can get it. If you can make it through the whole thing then high five!

My dog could do that better! But anyways…luckily, she didn’t win. Thank my bleeding ears because we all know the German radio is bad already, they don’t need to make it worse.

The winner however, is actually a real German girl singing REAL German music. And by German music I mean what they call “schlager.” This is like Barney on crack but usually the songs are primarily about love and happiness. Nothing really too sad or angry about them. These are also known as their “party songs.”

This girl stuck with her genre the entire show which I thought was true to Deustchland’s Idol. Why force a different language? This is not the show but this is her with her winning song “My heart is burning when I see you.” She’s singing against a recording since that’s just something they have no shame in here, most perform that way on tv. Take a listen:

Moral of the story: Stick to singing your own language! Except if you’re Norwegian, since they somehow have an exceptional ear for learning how to sing in English! I get the reason for singing in English is in hopes that your song makes it big in the world but there is something special about singing something in your own language.

Until next time, Readers!!! xoxoxoxo

I Live In A Place That… (Part Four)

Back again with more delicious treats of the place I live in! If you missed the other three parts find them here:

Part One
Part Two
Part Three

And now…on with the show!

I Live In A Place That……..

….When you enter a restaurant or office you say hello or good afternoon. And when you leave…the same. I learned this the hard way. Walked into my doctors office waiting room filled with people and said nothing. I got a few glares and just tried to avoid looking at anyone. Then a lady came in, said good morning, and all responded in chorus. Whoops…don’t mind the unfriendly American!

….Tells you where the radars are on the radio. There are radar stands that replace the need of police but if you are even one notch over the limit these radars will snap your picture and blind you with a bright red light. There are many that are set up temporarily to surprise you from the ones that you know are always there. And these temp ones are called in to the radio and every 15 mins they give you an update on where they are. Isn’t that illegal in some way??! Isn’t the point that you want to catch people??!

….Calls rap/hip hop “Black Music”. I did a post on this before but you can be the judge….

….At lunch time you say “Mahlzeit” and before you eat a meal with other you say, “Guten Appetit.” Which is basically “Good Appetite” or as we say in the US “Enjoy.”

….They do NOT believe in Air conditioning. In fact, most Germans tell me this is what causes sickness, says the people who wear fashionable scarves all year round and even to bed sometimes! It gets hot here, sometimes. And with no air conditioning..its bad. And we all know, the Europeans don’t have a good reputation for being the best smelling….if you get my drift. Being in trains or small enclosed areas in the summer is a serious NO for me. I’m going to start handing out deodorant! Of course this isn’t ALL the Europeans but a good percentage. Mainly men…true story.

Until next time, Readers!!!! xoxoxoxo

German “Radio”

You’ve read some blogs where I complain about the radio here in Germany and instead of just my opinion, I decided I’d back it up with a play by play of what comes on the radio. I allowed myself….aka TORTURED myself through a few songs just for you. I know, I’m an angel. Consider yourselves warned…this is a RANT!

Now, This is coming from a radio station that lives by the slogan “Mehr Hits Von Heute” meaning…”More Hits From Today.” More like the recycled tapes they found in Elton John’s trash can. Anywho…before I go on another rant: This is what they played…you’re welcome.

1. Time by Imagine Dragons – Off to a good start! This is new-ish (overplayed in the US I’m sure but it’s new here.)

2. Hijo De la Luna by Mecano – I’ve mentioned how they listen to music from other countries…prime example and TERRIBLE song regardless. This is actually scary or something that would be in a bad spanish musical. Am I right?

3. Beautiful by James Blunt – Was cool 7 years ago, but ok.

4. Underneath Your Clothes – Shakira – Just stab my eyes with a fork. Please. So. So. SO horrendous! What did the world do wrong to deserve this? I say it all the time but HOW on god’s green earth did this chick get a record deal?!?! and WHY are radios still playing this crap?! Omg…just stop it. (I actually turned the radio off for this, I couldn’t stand it anymore.)

5. The Way It Is – Bruce Hornsby – Seriously?! Was I even born when this came out?!

6. Everything Changes – Take That – This took me WAY back. To a place I never want to go again. Ever. Again.

I’ll stop there because that’s bad enough but it gets much worse. Playing songs I LITERALLY have no idea what they are. A lot of Christian Rock music primarily because I don’t think they know what the song is about, language barriers and such. In the US we has specific stations for specific genres. We have the rock station, the top 40’s station, the hip hop and Christian stations. But here, they have satellite radio that is blasted throughout the region and there are like 4 stations to choose from. All playing the same old junk that the US disposed of ages ago. As a music person…it ACHES MY SOUL!!!!!! But for a radio station that claims it plays “More hits from today….” You’re all LIARS!!! I should take over and run the show!

However, I will say that for being over here they do play music from artists that I’ve loved in the past like my fav Irish band, The Coors and the incredibly talented jazz-pop of Jamie Cullam. Sadly, they’ve never heard the likes of Dave Matthews Band or most of the hip hop stuff which to me is a shame. Dave Matthews is a musical poetic genius and they are SERIOUSLY missing out…more like, I’m missing out on any European tours since they aren’t big here 😦

Anywho…go clean your ears out. I’m sorry for what I just put you through but you had to experience the hell I’m living in. Boy, do I miss the US.

Until next time, Readers!!! xoxoxoxoxo

The Right To Bear Arms? I Think Not.

Today in America was yet another tragic moment. Another school shooting. Another gun in the hands of a killer. Another tragedy. My deepest feelings go out to the families, children, teachers, emergency responders, and any others connected to this. What a heart breaking thing to go through right before the holidays. 

There was a mall shooting in Oregon on Tuesday as people were holiday shopping as well. How did this happen? AGAIN? My question is, when will we learn? When will America actually do something about this? I know that there are many opinions on what needs to happen to remedy the situation. Many people suggest we start with teaching people to be compassionate and learn right from wrong. In my opinon, thats good in theory, but things happen to people. I’m not as compassionate as I was when I was 6. I’ve been burned before and learned to ‘hate.’ And in some people…that rejection can push them. What do we do with people who have chemical imbalances but go ignored? Compassion won’t always cure that. And then there is media and such that blasted the shooters from Columbine. Saying it was video games and death metal music that influenced them. No in fact, it wasn’t. A friend on facebook said it best, “Don’t blame the media, don’t blame video games, don’t blame anyone but the people who held the guns.”

Other people suggest taking guns out of homes. This is also good but then we have hunters who have an issue with this. I believe in hunting, my step dad does it but he’s very careful with his guns and has them locked away and follows all precautions and rules that goes along with this. This is not the issue. Where the issue lies is within the right to bear arms…anyone to bear arms. 

How did a 24 year old get a hold of a gun like this to bring into an Elementary school today? 

Talking with Toblerone about this issue, you RARELY hear about people shooting another here in Germany. The laws here in Germany are incredibly strict and smart. I think we could learn something from them. We aren’t cowboys anymore and having a gun to protect ourselves could only cause issues in return. Children have killed themselves on accident from careless parents. I say lets make it personal and store a baseball bat next to your bed.

German gun laws are as follows

       1. In order to get a hunting license you have to take a hunting course starting at 6 months up to 1 year. 

      2. The hunting course costs start at 3500 Euro (approx 4,000 USD) for taking the 6 month option down to 1,500 Euro (approx. 2,000 USD) for taking the course for 1 year. 

      3. The exam you take at the end of said course is extrememly difficult to pass. This also is a test on trust, demeanor, and necessity. If they don’t need another hunter for that area, you don’t get a chance for a license until another hunter either dies or doesn’t renew.

     4. There are no gun shops or places that sell ammunition. You must buy this online and ONLY with your registration number from your hunting license. The gun is automatically in a large system registered to you and what region you will be hunting in. Dicks Sporting Goods can find something else to sell in that section.

      5. All the guns must be put in a safe. Not a gun cabinet that displays them in a glass window-pane. This safe is impossible to get into without the registered owners code and or key which they must keep hidden. 

     6. At any time, random times, an official can come to check that the guns are stored per the protocol and check that everything is in order. Keeping registered hunters on their toes and following the law. 

Thus, making it difficult for 20 year olds to go to a gun shop and purchase a gun just because. I’m not saying this solves the issues at hand but it’s a start. There is no longer a reason to allow for guns to be so available. Absolutely no reason. Hunting can still be allowed but regulated. Toblerone literally knows maybe 3 people that have this hunting license and most are deterred from getting one because it’s time consuming and expensive. 

The ONLY gun that people are allowed to buy here are BB guns. And many people have them for competitons (there are many of those here in Germany.) By eliminating the advertisement of guns (ie. Dick’s Sporting Goods, Walmart) would this change the outcome of guns in a household? In the eyes of Germans, guns are for hunters. They don’t think of it as a weapon necessarily. Why does America have shooting ranges? Why do people buy guns just to shoot? How is that fun or enlightening? I know how to shoot a gun and if I needed to, I could in a bad situation. However my feelings are that the system is all too loose. Healthcare isn’t even that easily accessible so why are guns? Healthcare for those who are hurting, have chemical imbalances, who need help. This may start to solve some of the issues or maybe it won’t but any start is better than where we are at now.

I really think America could learn something by looking at countries that have less gun violence. What is it that we aren’t doing that we could change? How could we improve? Enough is enough. It’s time for a change. Security systems in every school regardless of size. We shouldn’t be waiting around for a tragedy to strike and it’s too late. 

Tell me your thoughts? Do you think America should do more to control weapons? 

 

Until next time, Readers! xoxoxox

    

Things I’m Having A Hard Time Living Without

I can certainly live without things but I would prefer NOT to…and here are my reasons why. I encourage you to pay close attention, take notes, tie a ribbon around your finger to remind yourself that you all have it really good back in your own home countries. My life without the following feels incomplete BUT I do have backup, luckily which counter my complaints of course!

I’ve got exactly 30 days  as of today until I land on the mushy ground of America. Put me there RIGHT now! Now that I’m getting down to the finish line, I’m getting excited and overly worked up about the fact that the East Coast is indulging in delish Fall treats and I’m stuck in a place that doesn’t know what Starbucks Pumpkin Latte is or what a Pumpkin Pie is. HELP!

1. Gossip Girls 

You all know just what I’m talking about. A night were you get all dolled up, put on the greatest pair of stilettos you own, a new dress, and the works and you meet your favorite girlfriends out for sushi dinner and gossip for ages over Martinis of every kind. The more you knock back the more stories and emotions flow. Finding out about which idiot brought their mistress to their own wedding only to divorce their wife a few months later, or the trashy girl from high school that has way too many kids with way too many different men, or maybe it’s the latest crap your ex is up to. Although none of that is important but it’s just stuff to talk about and we all can relate. We talk about our relationship problems in a “safe” area (bars are always so loud they swallow and hide your words forever) and every guy that tries to hit on us only pushes us to band together and give him a nice glass of icy glare with a splash of the cold shoulder. Why?? Because it’s god damn GIRLS NIGHT OUT, Bitches!!

           Remedy: So how to we fix this little problem? Easy…FACEBOOK. Everyone, including myself, writes all sorts of personal stuff on The Book nowadays and not only can I stalk my girlfriends (yes, I admit) I also lurk behind my laptop to see who’s having a baby, getting married, breaking up, divorcing, being annoying, biting their nails, wearing bad outfits which include visors (STOP IT!), and who is overly obsessed with their special someone (this might be me). Thank you Facebook for feeding me with the gossip I need to sustain myself until I get back to the states for a visit!  Speaking of Facebook….please go to my Blog Page and like it. And if that is too complicated, on the right hand side here there is  button to “like” it as well. THANKS! 🙂

2. Martinis

Pomegranate, Very Dirty, Chocolate, Apple, Apple Pie, Banana Split, Cosmopolitan, Flirtini, Gingerbread, Gummy Worm, Key Lime Pie, Kiwi, Hello Kitty, Melon Ball, Watermelon, and Pumpkin (DAMMIT!)

These are all things we are aware of. Those girly drinks (and some of them MAN-tini’s) that are FABU and absolutely mouth-watering. I used to partake in these tasty bits quite often back in the states…trying every one on the menu if necessary. If I asked for a Martini here….Do you know what I would get? Actual Martini & Rossi. This is like a strong wine or so I’m told. I’ve never had it because I’m boycotting. Here’s the situation, I’m DYING to make all the Martini’s I love for people here so they can see how awesome it is. They see them in the movies and Sex and the City shows…it’s just unfair. Anyway, I would LOVE to make these but there are no such things as flavored vodkas, think Three Olives Brand or other special liqueurs like the Pumpkin Spice that I need to make the Pumpkin Martini. Lord have mercy….this is going to be a long few years without those babies.

I’m positive as soon as I get back to the states I’ll be throwing those back like Homer does to his donuts or cookie monster to his cookies…or is it vegetables now?

Remedy: WodkaBull – aka Vodka RedBull…..AMEN. Of course they also have wineries up the ying AND the yang and a realllllly good bottle of wine costs about 8.00 Euro…that’s like $11 bucks and some change. Can’t beat that!

3. Care packages

My mom was always giving me stuff and sending me home with food from her fridge (leftovers are the BEST). We would go shopping together all the time and hang out, have a Panera Bread lunch date, all sorts of mommy daughter bliss. When I see my mom on Skype, it’s just not the same. I can’t hug her. I miss my best friend. End of story.

Mommy and Me

Remedy: As there is no replacement for that kind of hole in the heart, Care packages are fantastic!! Or cards. Or letters via snail mail. All of this is great. When I get the box the first thing I do is look at my mom’s handwriting…I would recognize that anywhere. Then I open the box and smell the inside. I know what you’re thinking but I’m always hoping I can smell a bit of home in there. As I look through all the things I imagine her buying them and thinking of me. It’s such a nice surprise. Each little thing, even if it’s just a sticker or a lollipop, it means the absolute WORLD to me. And….to be able to read instructions or the packaging in English is a treat too.

4. Streaming Music

You know those moments where you’re angry because your download is slow or for whatever reason your favorite homepage isn’t working? Yeah, that’s how I feel every day. As the majority of you are participating in the newest fads such as Spotify or the older one Pandora….I don’t have access to these. Nope. Not at all. Germany has some weird problem with streaming music and this has caused me some very serious heart palpitations! Even YouTube is complicated and most of the time as you all post the coolest new videos on Facebook I can’t watch them. “This video is not allowed in your country.”  Listen here Maestro…this isn’t my country however as an American citizen I think I should have the right to watch whatever I want whenever I want. Who do I have to bring down?

Remedy:  Stereomood. This is fantastic for me. For those of you who are new to this fad – it’s uploaded music from other users and categorized under a certain mood. So when I’m feeling like sunshine, I head on over to the sunshine channel. When I feel like punching babies in the face, I head over to child abuse channel. No that’s not a channel option but you get the idea.  It’s my savior. Although most of the time the music annoys me like mosquitos buzzing in my ear, at least it’s something. The possibility of hearing new music excites my loins.

5. Televise My Life

No really….give me a reality show.

Here we have massive amounts of channels on the TV and all sorts of shows I know back home. One problem…they are all in German. I do try to pay attention sometimes but most of the time it’s annoying and I give up. We have the British version of CNN and BBC which is great but can bore me very easily once they get on their kicks about the financial outcome of the world and all that nonsense. I couldn’t care less. I’m focused on my own financial situation…can’t possibly care about everyone else.

Remedy: There is a God and she seriously knows just how to please me. She has granted me with free streaming video of the latest shows the day after they air. Indeed, I can find this on services such as Sidereel or XBMC (Thanks Bro!). This plays a giant part in my life. I couldn’t go a day without knowing I had access to Gossip Girl, The Vampire Diaries, and many other terrible Reality shows.

6. Vanilla Extract

For those of us that bake we know the importance of  Vanilla Extract. It’s like the piece to the puzzle that can never go missing otherwise it makes the entire puzzle look like crap. Get what I’m saying? In Germany there is no such thing. I keep trying to figure out how they make their cakes but I’m dumbfounded. When I realized there was no such thing as Vanilla here I about died. They have some sort of really oily based, almost buttery type of Vanilla flavoring in tubes but this is not the alcohol smelling Vanilla we know. It does NOT work. I was once on the verge of disaster without this stuff…and then…..

Remedy: I make everyone who comes over here (old colleagues and the like) bring Vanilla Extract with them. Our last buddy that stopped in brought me two large bottles of it (Thanks to his wife) and I’m happy as a clam. I can bake till my heart’s content without crying about it.

Until next time, Readers!!! xoxoxoxoxo

Together Let’s Fight For Sarah’s Life

I’m just going to come right out and say it. CANCER SUCKS! But one thing that Cancer can’t affect is the amount of love and support that comes around when the “C word” is uttered. I’ve directly been affected  with Cancer in my family and I always try to do what I can when I have the means to. One thing that is free to give…LOVE. Another thing….SUPPORT. I know all of you know someone, directly or indirectly, who has been affected by cancer. However, for me, I feel that no matter if you know the person or not your support can be healing in more ways than one. That’s why I’m joining in the fight. Sarah’s fight. Won’t you join me?

Since Sarah is from Maine I’m targeting all my Mainer friends to pull through and head out to the benefits to do your part. You wouldn’t believe the kind of love one can feel from the kindness of a stranger. For the rest of you, no excuses. I’m 3,000 miles away and supporting this girl with loads of love!

Sarah is a 26 year old mother, wife, daughter, friend, and identical twin. She was 24 when they discovered she had a brain tumor which she kicked out in the summer of 2011. Five weeks later the tumor had returned and this time it was deemed, “inoperable.” She and her family are now in the fight for her life and every bit of support will help. I know this hits home for many of you so let’s see what we can do to offer a heartfelt, ” BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF CANCER” for Sarah. Let’s let her know that the world is cheering her on and we have her back.

She’s currently receiving chemotherapy treatments at the Infusion Center of Tufts Medical Center in Boston and the traveling in itself is tiring but we know the worst of it isn’t the travel time. Six days ago she completed her second chemo treatment and a few weeks ago, her beautiful daughter just started Kindergarten. Aside from the battle she is fighting she has a life to live, memories to make, identical smiles to share with her twin sister, kisses to give her highschool sweetheart husband, and hugs to wrap around her baby girl. Someone as beautiful as her deserves this chance. She can beat this and the more support the better.

How can you help? Great question….there are many ways to help!

Help 1: Join her facebook site and send her some support. Give her a shout-out. Tell her that you care about her from miles away or from next door. For those of you in Maine, they are constantly updating with benefits and spaghetti dinners that are happening. They have a Halloween Bash coming up so dress up and go have some fun!

Sarah’s Fight On Facebook

Help 2:  A great friend set up a blog for her with all the benefits, updates, pictures, and videos. I encourage you to go check it out and learn more about Sarah and her beautiful family.

Sarah’s Fight On Blogspot

Help 3: Purchase a bracelet. You can currently do so at selected stores and places around Maine. Please go grab one! Only $2.00, skip the latte and do something better with your money!

A Support Bracelet For Sarah

She’s one of the most fabulous people in the world for many reasons but one that is quite inspiring is she has started a project to provide housing to families that are fighting this disease. As if she doesn’t have enough to think about, she continues to think for others and how she can help make it easier for those that need to travel for treatments find housing close-by to the medical facilities. Read more about her amazing work here and also on her blog.

I know there are many people in the world fighting a battle right now. Our hearts are with every single person battling Cancer. Let’s fight with Sarah, give it your all, she sure as hell is!

Sarah – You are not alone. People all over the world are pulling for you! We put our boxing gloves on and we’re ready to knock Cancer out! Your smile is inspiring and will continue to win over the hearts of your supporters…your own personal army! Keep up the good fight – we’ve got your back.

An American Prisoner in German Integration Hell

Instead of taking notes like I should be during my class I’ve been writing down bullet points of all the things that annoy me about all the people in my class. We’re a class of 15 women. ONLY women which isn’t so bad. I started last week thinking/hoping that at least there would be ONE person from either England, Ireland, or America. Anything familiar would have been wonderful. Of course not…this isn’t heaven. It’s purgatory.

I’m not racist, not at all, but I have absolutely NO patience or sympathy for the stupid! We have women from countries such as Turkey, Tunisia, Serbia, Kosovo, Russia, Ukraine, Romania, Mazedonia, and Montenegro. (Note: The girls from Montenegro and from Russia are the only other smart ones in the class.) So on top of trying to figure out where some of these places are in the world and what kind of life they came from I have to juggle their names which are crazy.

For Example:

Nefise, Redife, Habibe, Dragana, Mevlude, Bouthoina, Zehra, Yildiz, Resavjc……. HUH!?!?!?! I’m sure my name isn’t any easier to them but I’m the only one who shortened my name to make it easier for those who have trouble. Not sure how you could have trouble with “Kait” but whatevs.

Our class is every week day for the next nine months – meaning I’m stuck in this hell until July. I spend 4 hours and 15 minutes with these people and I would rather spoon my eyes out. I don’t consider myself “Advanced” but at least I’m TRYING to learn something. These girls have every color pencil, pen, highlighter, eraser you can possibly imagine. Their notebooks look like Lisa Frank folders, however, they don’t have a clue what they wrote in it! Last time I checked people this is NOT an art course…it’s a LANGUAGE course! (Do you remember what Lisa Frank is? Let me remind you……)

Speaking of speaking…everyone mispronounces everything and it makes me want to punch a baby. I mean I’m not perfect either but at least if the word is in front of me, I try to read it correctly. If a word ends in the letter “l”, I’m not going to end the word with a “t.”

So besides the obvious reasons why I can’t stand these people here are the real reasons all these feelings sparked:

1. One younger girl, who is now pregnant, brought in her wedding album. She’s from Tunisia and I was interested to see all about her culture and how they do it. It’s totally different from what I’m used to and not something I would prefer but this is her culture. The rest of the class looks at it and a few of the girls told her she was really fat in her pictures. Um….do you have NO manners?!?!?

2. Then these same girls turned to another one and asked her if she was pregnant. Lets keep in mind she has a great figure, doesn’t look overweight, out of shape..nothing. NOTHING that would make you think she’s pregnant. RUDE. These people are complete scum.

3. The girls all sitting around me literally grab my workbook from me to copy my work. How are you going to learn anything, you morons, if you keep copying my work?!  And how about asking for my help first? And if you seriously don’t understand then I will show you! Seriously….going to punch babies.

So even though I’m stuck with these idiotic people I learned something. The Turkish women specifically all want to learn but they don’t have the confidence. Every single one of them said their hobby was cleaning and having children. That’s not a hobby. That has nothing to do with your personal interests. I felt sad for them. I also realized that maybe in some cultures people don’t have filters (ahem..scum sitting around me)…and some people don’t have support or confidence from those at home. I don’t know if this is true or not (minus the fact about filters) but I do know that people deserve a chance. So, I’ve decided to try a little bit harder every day to be a little bit more patient.

However, I absolutely have NO patience for the completely brainless ones that walk in front of the bathroom line. UM…we are obviously all waiting here! And I’m assuming it’s because of people like this that they were forced to put this sign above the toilet in the bathroom. This concerns me on so many levels. I wasn’t aware that not only are people here to learn how to speak German but also how to use a toilet properly. Does this worry any of you about the type of place I’m in?! HELP!

I have two teachers and one happens to look like my 4th grade teacher, Mrs. Witter. Which is scary and comforting at the same time. The second teacher is actually quite funny but she can get upset when someone repeatedly doesn’t know the answer…which happens often. I don’t have it in me to teach this kind of class. There is no way. I’ll stick to my idea of teaching children English or in business where people actually act professional and like adults.

Anywho…I’ll keep trucking on…even though I have to pay 2500 Euro for this class. Crazy right? However…if I was married it would only be 900 Euro. Like that makes a lot of sense! Germany…you’re not impressing me lately!

No stress this week…I’m preparing for my Oktoberfest debut in my Dirndl! If I can remember….I will take pictures to show you guys! And…of course if I’m still alive the next day!

Until next time, Readers!!! xoxoxoxoxoxo

30 Day Blog Challenge – Day 4

Day 4 – Your First Love

Before I begin I would like to point out that yesterday was my beautiful mother’s birthday (Doesn’t look a day over 30!) and today would have been the day we hop on a fluffy little plane and flop into the US. I’m a little sad because I was really looking forward to seeing my grandparents, my parents, siblings, friends, and the vast array of restaurants I’ve been missing such as Dinosaur BBQ, Panera Bread, Starbucks, Bonefish Grill, can’t leave out the Giant Wegmans….and the list could go on. So…without further ado…I start my pity searching blog into the tale of the First Love.

At first I had to really think about this. I’ve had many boyfriends and what not but I wasn’t sure which ones I was REALLY in love with. I would have to say it was Arthur – *name changed for obvious reasons! Do you really think I would date an Arthur?  I was just 22 I believe, oh the days of nights out on the town every Friday through Sunday come hell or high water. I was a barfly, always there and I couldn’t get over that there were SO many people *ahem* men/new meat that I had never seen before. I came from a smaller town so everyone knew everyone. I could finally go out with my older friends which was 99% part of the perk.

Back in the days when MySpace was WAY cooler than Facebook I used to get “fan mail” from all sorts of dudes. “Hey baby girl, Waz ur name? You wanna git down sumtyme. I cud show u a rill gud tyme.” I imagined it was said just like that too. On average over 20 messages a day from stalker boys that wanted to “hang out.” Right – get lost! Most of the time I didn’t answer or wrote them something rude back.

And then I get a message from Arthur. Simple and sweet. Just saying hello and commenting on my blue eyes or something. Flirtatious yet not overpowering and he sounded like he had an education at least. After many emails back and forth I decided to meet up with him…at a bar. Ha, that’s obvious. HOWEVER – Please note I wasn’t completely ridiculous, I brought a friend with me. You just never know! So, I honestly didn’t think ANYTHING of this guy. I wasn’t attracted to him but was just making a friend and that’s the honest truth.  I went to the bar in a huge sweatshirt, workout pants, and sneakers. My hair was crazy in a ponytail and barely any makeup. This is to prove I wasn’t trying to impress anyone. Just giving myself another reason to go have a drink. As we got there, he happened to be standing close to the door and as soon as I saw him, I don’t know what it was but the switch changed from friend to possibly my husband. (Also had many false ideas of the future when it came to men. A little quick on the trigger I would say!) Immediately I started thinking about wedding dresses, baby names, and carved are initials into the bar. No, I’m kidding about that but I was head over heels from the moment I saw him.

So, after that it started a whirlwind affair of crazy absolute nonsense. The first several months were perfect and then it all started. He got crazy…asking me weird questions about my whereabouts, who I’m with, etc. I was completely in love with him and thought I had it in control to begin with but turns out I lost all my control. To turn this long story into a shorter version – fell in love with an abusive prick and after he cheated on me three times and threw me down his manipulative bipolar tunnel of hell, I finally somewhere somehow got the strength to move on and never looked back. I found him with someone else and I cried so hard I puked on my kitchen floor in front of my darling roommate and her date that she had just went out with. Classy and dramatic – as usual. I was paralyzed with pain and sadness for several weeks. But, every day got a little bit better. A little bit easier. The thing is when you’re with someone like that who has you chained up practically, it really takes inner strength to push forward. I allowed myself to text him once. A really really long text but I said my peace and I went my way. That was the end of it for me. I had to get out and now was my chance.

It’s certainly not a relationship I want to remember however, when the days were good…they were really beautiful and I always wanted a relationship where I could have those kind of days back again. I have that now and love hanging out with Toblerone mostly because he’s my best friend and we do everything together and have a frickin blast while doing it. With Arthur my world was turned upside down and I was forced to be distant with my beautiful family and I can’t imagine being that way now. It’s not right, it’s not the way it should be. It should be perfect all the time. Toblerone and I rarely argue only about little things like the house or whatever but there is an understanding that comes with a good relationship. We argue for 5 seconds and then it’s over. Then we’re laughing while we’re making dinner together. This is how it should be!

Some of the things he would do were absolutely insane. Like, throw glass at my bare feet to prove a point or hijack my cell phone and literally make me chase him on foot all over town as he called every phone number listed and ask the person on the other end if he was sleeping with me. What kind of weirdo does that? And I was stupid enough to stay with him. Half out of fear maybe but more so that I hung on to hope that he would change – that day would never come. If only I knew what I know now! I was so young and too inexperienced with a “real relationship” to know that this was unhealthy and very dangerous.

Then there were the good things when we were out one night he pulled me aside around all his friends and told me how much he loved me and started to cry when he told me how he couldn’t wait to see me walk down the aisle in a white dress to him. Or the night that he gave me a rose, blindfolded me and drove me to the ocean to dance under the stars to our favorite song. I wish I knew that this was the bi-polar Arthur. Manic, wild, and fun and then dangerous, aggressive, and depressed. It was insane. Literally in a matter of 24 hours I could see Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde 4 or 5 times each!

With Arthur it was the ups and downs that made it exciting. I’m glad that roller coaster has expired. I’m much happier now and way better off than I was before. I’m sure all those who were by my side during that time would agree. So…that’s my story and I’m sticking to it!

If you know anyone who has been or is being abused, don’t ignore it.  You can help by not blaming the person who is being abused and reminding yourself that it’s not as easy as saying, “Just break up with him/her.” I encourage you to educate yourself, abuse comes in many different forms –

http://stoprelationshipabuse.org/

http://www.dm.usda.gov/shmd/aware.htm

Until next time, readers!! xoxoxo!

30 Day Blog Challenge – Day 3

Day 3 – Describe 5 Things You Will Never Learn To Love in Germany

First and foremost – HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMY!!! LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU LIKE CRAZY!!!!! 🙂

Originally the challenge was to show a picture of you and your friends. Um, that’s lame and it’s not a challenge. Who posts a blog with only a picture? Not me. No thanks. So, I changed it. As I drove around today, I found several things that drive me UP THE WALL and I certainly will never be able to love these things. So, to give you a little taste of my usual nonsense, shall we?

1. You Shall Never Park

Not only are the streets small, yet somewhat manageable, the parking spaces drive me bonkers. The other day I had to park in a parking garage and about smashed into cars just to make my very own American sized parking space. They try to squeeze everyone into the smallest possible spaces. No room for error, let me tell you! And it’s not that all the cars are small here. Not everyone has the Smart car and all those other 3-wheeled vehicles you see in the Mr. Bean movies.

Also, I had to go shopping today and lord knows we had to drive around 8 thousand hours just to find a parking spot. No street parking. As a side note: I would like to add that the roads are so curvy, never a straight away so when you want to pass the slowest truck you’ve ever been behind when you’re in a rush, touch luck. You best sit back and enjoy the Sunday stroll!

2. Fashionista Suicide

I know my friends here will kill me for this (all of which I think dress beautifully) but it’s just the facts! I about go insane when I look at all the stores they have here. Back in LaLaLand, America I used to think that all Europeans were the fashion icons of the world and BOY was I wrong. It clearly is subjected to only select countries. Here, so far, the ONLY place thats of interest to me is H&M which in the US I never went to or very seldom. The rest of the stores look like you’re getting ready to either turn into a 90 year old or you’re going on a safari. Just no color and no fun! Some of the pants these girls wear make them look like they had a bit of an accident. NOT attractive by any means!

These pants aren’t too terrible. Most the girls wear these in khakis or jeans but this material looks like sweatpants and it’s horrendous. and rolled up at the bottom? STOP YOURSELF!

Do you see what I mean??? Accidents in the pants. These are considered super “trendy” right now. I would NEVER put my legs into those. I mean I can’t tell if this is a dude or a chick. And the back of these pants is just as saggy. No shape whatsoever. Nasty.

Back home, there are shoes galore, and beautifully cut dresses (my personal fave BCBG) and here you don’t have that. It’s all the same in every store. I want to DIE! Shopping used to excite me…now I get excited when I look at H&M….that has never happened before. It’s gonna be a looooong few years!

3. Did You Hear That? 

I want to rip my ear drums out and soak them in acid. The radio. What a load of crap that is here! You have one station that plays oldies…as in German Oldies…as in the stuff you here inside the beer tent at Oktoberfest. Then you have another station that plays all 50’s, 60’s music. And then you have the rest of the stations which are all EXACTLY the same. They are the WORST stations possibly in the world. They trick you by playing something new like the latest from Kesha and then they turn around and throw Tina Turner at you and maybe some Bon Jovi. Can someone have ONE station that is all Top 40’s or latest pop stuff? Anything so I want barf all over myself as I’m driving anymore! Honestly. I’ve heard Dave Matthews Band played ONCE…and I actually think that was in a store via satellite or something. I can’t even remember it was so long ago. I’m hearing songs I haven’t heard since the early 90’s. It’s terrible…horrific. I need to buy blank CDs to burn..STAT!

This is an example of what is playing…all the time. Sounds like bad 90’s music…and this stuff is recent and popular. Oh and this show is on every Sunday, makes me want to shoot myself! (Scan to the middle of it, you can see what I mean)

4. Yes Ma’am

This is obviously something that I can’t change, but I plan on starting the process. In the US we approach everyone as “You, He, She…etc” Here you have to change your entire language based on whether you are friends with the person or not. Do you know how hard that is for someone trying to learn a new language? So, I started saying the “informal” to Doctors, strangers, etc…and NO ONE tells me to call them by the “formal” words. I think the newer generations don’t care how you talk to each other – the younger guys I mean, however the older people are fine with it also. I don’t know, I think it’s just annoying and added vocab that isn’t necessary!

5. Can I Borrow A Cup of Sugar?

Since we’ve moved in we’ve had zero neighbors come and introduce themselves. I thought about doing it ourselves until I realized. Everyone around us is a freak. Across the street we have 4 adults and an illegitimate child with serious psychological issues. The adults consist of an older woman and her three adult children. They love to peer out their windows into our house or watch what we’re doing/saying at every minute. Then to the right we have a brand new house where the neighbor (husband) on our first meeting at a festival told me that he loves me and sees me outside in the garden in my shorts on hot afternoons. Thank you, creeper for noticing! The rest of the community are big families with children everywhere and no one is friendly. NO ONE. These smaller towns hate when new-comers come into their village, especially Americans. So…my American flag is still flying proudly at the front of our house. And there it will remain until people smarten up and get on my good side.

Ha….After reading this over again, I realized I sound a bit bitter. Just my opinions…I think I’m in need of peanut butter. Which of course, I bought out the whole store when they brought in “American Peanut Butter”…it’s allll mine! 🙂

Until next time, readers! xoxoxoxo