Truth Be Told

I suppose I should explain why I chose suddenly not to get the surgery to check out how bad my endometriosis is or hopefully isn’t. To put it simply, it’s all bad timing.

First of all my visa expires June 30th. I was here for 3 months before I was issued my 9 month “Student’s visa.” My German language course was the only reason I’ve been able to stay here without being married.

So part two of this story is that I know I will always need these surgeries for the rest of my life for preventative pain measures or to pursue a family. In the moment, it’s April…I wouldn’t be able to start the fertility process until June or later. I don’t want my body to be cut open unless it’s necessary. Last time the Endo was so severe I was down and out for a week when normally the downtime is 2 days at most. I can’t deal with that again! I think the doctor’s here were a little to trigger happy. First steps I think are to sit down with a fertility clinic. Here in Germany the GYN has no part in the fertility process. Completely ass-backwards if you ask me but whatever! So I think if I can line up the fertility stuff with the GYN stuff then we’re good to go. I wish I knew that months ago because I could have gotten a start on it but you all know how I feel about dealing with doctors over here. Not so pleasant and COMPLETELY unorganized.

I had to go into the hospital (1.5 hour drive both ways) the working day before my surgery for pre-op discussions. I met with 4 different people over the course of 5 hours. To do what exactly? The same stuff they could have done with one doctor the day of. It was INSANE. The process was ridiculous and I felt like I was in some sketchy plastic surgery hospital in Mexico. I wouldn’t even find out my surgeon until minutes before my surgery. That to me is insane. My OBGYN in the US was also my surgeon. I had no qualms about it. Here, they didn’t know who it would be and they never make the process personal. I realize doctors can’t attach themselves to one case and it make it their own but it would be nice if they tried. For me, this is my whole world and to put it into a bunch of people’s hands is not for me.

At this moment the time frame didn’t make sense. I want a family but I want one when the timing allows for it. I realize chaos and stress may cause it all to be delayed anyways, so I’m waiting.

A million people yesterday told the world they are having another baby or their first one. I’m so unbelievably happy for everyone but truth be told, my heart breaks every single time. It’s just unfair. I won’t go on and on…you all know how I feel. I just hope by the time all the pieces fall together it won’t be too late.

Until next time, Readers! Xoxoxoxo

30 Day Blog Challenge – Day 27

Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge

Good question. I’m not doing this for fun. I’m doing it to keep motivated in the blog world. For the past 30 days I have been engulfed in a medical situation that did not allow me to think outside my own box. So, to have daily topics already planned for me was the best.

As I briefly spoke about why I was proud of Toblerone, this was the reason for the 30 day blog challenge. Not only did I need a distraction, but I needed something to keep me going and focused.

So Toblerone had a crazy rare GIANT cyst type situation growing and stretching out his duodenum. For those of you who are not up on your medical terminology – google it. Basically for ten years Toblerone had been limited to certain foods, over time it got worse and eventually it was down to eating only soup. If he ate anything else, he would puke it up. Then it started with the fevers of 104 degrees which would last for about 24 hours or so. Chills would set in and there we went. Up at odd hours of the night trying to warm him up. There I was with my hormones, hot as can be and trying to warm up our room. This could go on no longer. He missed out on soccer games and work functions due to this. It was not a life to live.

We decided it was time to check him into a stay at the hospital and do the necessary tests to figure out what was wrong with him. And so we did. He had this rare cysts nonsense and would require major surgery. Most of his organs were weakened and stretched out. It’s way more complicated than all of that but the whole thing took a toll on both of us and our families. For one, I traveled the many miles every day to the hospital. Some stays were longer than others but during the first week or so, he slept most of the time. Secondly, I was in a hospital with people who barely spoke English, if at all. So confusing, I didn’t even know what they were doing to him half of the time. It took me several hours after his surgery to really find out what they did! I mean I was staring at him with 8,000 tubes coming out of him and I couldn’t do a thing. I hadn’t heard his laugh in so long I almost forgot what it sounded like. More than anything I needed my mommy.

So, the surgeon told us to prepare for a recovery of 6-8 weeks. He was a jerk. I hated him. I won’t get into it but he’s good at what he does in the operating room…he’s crap with socialization. We were left thinking that Tobi would be in the hospital for 6-8 weeks…not the case. It was at this time that I knew I wanted to continue with my blog but didn’t have time to focus on anything other than him. I knew I wouldn’t be seeing anything but the stark hospital so there wasn’t much to blog about anywho.

There you have it…we’re home now, and he’s doing fantastic. He’s got a big old battle scar on his belly but it’s healing rather fast and can finally move around and he eats EVERYTHING (without puking.) His whole life has changed around and he can finally taste and see the world without fear of being sick all the time.

And that is why I chose do to the 30 day blog challenge. It’s not ideal but it’s something!!!

Until next time, Readers!! xoxoxoxoxoxo

P.S. In case you didn’t remember….my birthday is tomorrow. WOOT WOOT!!


30 Day Blog Challenge – Day 9

Day 9- Something you’re proud of in the past few days

I can’t pick just one but there is one person I’m super proud of.

My Toblerone.

He has been sick for quite a long time (going on 10 years) and finally decided to go to the doctor about it a few months ago. So many tests…and more tests…and finally a possible conclusion. We’re transferred to another hospital and the star surgeon there (who I didn’t prefer…wasn’t a people-person that’s for sure!) told us that Toblerone needed to plan on being down and out for 6-8 weeks and he was about to have major surgery. A surgery this surgeon has never performed, wasn’t sure what to expect and certainly had never seen before. Toblerone and I weren’t sure what to expect either and the fact that half of what was said is always in German, I was clueless and kind of just going along with things.

So, the day of the surgery was a nerve-racking day. Off he went into surgery to remove this giant cyst (the size of a small cucumber) from inside his intestine. What in the world?!?! Apparently he was born with this and it grew over time but this is so rare – we’re talking 1 in 4 million rare. He was a medical mystery and all the doctors said he was crazy for not coming in sooner. Living the life he had before was unpleasant and he was sick every other day – refused to eat because he only puked it up anyways and then would sleep for days with a 104 degree fever. It was so hard to watch him go through this but I knew in the end, he would have a new outlook on life, he could FINALLY experience it!

We were at first told that Toblerone had a very very bad liver disease and thankfully, this was not the case. Honestly, thanking my lucky stars because that would have been much worse than this. There is no cure for that and ultimately would have ended in a liver transplant. No good.

The surgery was successful and he’s home now and recovering. Watching him not eat for 5 days post surgery and having 8 different tubes in his body, massive weight loss, white as a ghost – none of these things I wish upon another. Lucky we were strong enough to push through it. He did absolutely amazing. I can’t imagine being in such pain and having to remind yourself that it will be better eventually.

I told him now he can really taste the life around him. He can eat what he wants and not worry about whether or not this will make him sicker. I’m so happy to have my Toblerone back but mostly so proud of him. He pushed through and is now in recovery. A light opened up for us and now he can finally get back to living! I can’t wait to spend more days with him!!

Proud of you Bubbers!!!!

Now I need to go marinate a pork tenderloin! 🙂

Until next time, readers!! xoxoxoxoxo