I thought I would always be a boy mom but the Universe had one last big surprise for me and granted me the most beautiful little ball of pink fluff and tulle! She literally arrived wearing a pink tutu, I swear!
Let me introduce you to the newest member of our German-American family
Aurelia Margaret-June
Is she just not the most stunning thing ever?! No really, even the nurses at the hospital took her from me to go show her off to the other nurses. And others came in to get a peek of “The Most Beautiful Baby on the Floor!” #proudmommoment
I tell everyone I worked really hard on her considering she almost took my life those first 6 months of pregnancy. Seriously, the sickest I have ever been and for the longest period of time that I can remember. IT. WAS. AWFUL. Our parents are literally angels walking this crusty earth because the Mother-in-law came and stayed for several weeks and literally the day she left, my mom arrived and took over for forever. I could not get out of bed, I was throwing up 5 or more times a day, I rarely ate anything outside of rice, oyster crackers, and toast. Wouldn’t recommend doing that again but knowing myself, I’ll do it 4 more times! (HA! Kidding…maybe…?!?!?)
Anyways, her hair is out of this world and sticks straight up. It cannot be tamed and I hope that speaks to her personality once she’s able to show it a bit more. She sleeps through the night with one feeding at 4am and she’s quite literally the easiest baby ALIVE! I honestly, do not know how I even survived the twins. In all seriousness, that was the most difficult thing I had ever done in my life and I am surprised I made it out alive without too many scars.
So what’s in a name?
Aurelia – meaning “Golden” (Obviously, she is the golden child! She can do no wrong!)
The story behind this name is quite simple actually. Before there was ever a breath of Toblerone I watched a movie and one of the characters was named, Aurelia. I knew at that moment that this would be my daughter’s name should I ever have one. I’ve been holding on to this since 2003. Literally, right after I graduated high school. (Hint: I’m almost 35 so that should tell you how long I’ve held onto this.) For anyone who has seen the movie, Love Actually, the girl that plays opposite of Colin Firth is the “Aurelia.”
Margaret – In honor of Toblerone’s beloved Oma who we lost when we arrived home after seeing her over Christmas in 2015. She was such a strong woman who was extremely intelligent and I hope Aurelia takes that quality from her.
June – In honor of my sweet, sweet Grandma who we lost in 2013. She was this nurturing bundle of wit and I hope Aurelia gets her sense of humor and compassion.
You’ll be seeing the likes of this little lady often on here. I make no apologies! Now off to get in my baby snuggles before she grows again!!
It’s true! The twins have arrived! Granted, they made their debut on February 24th, 2016 but as you can imagine I’ve been quite busy!
Here we were getting ready for the big moment! And yes…I was huge. I see that.
Their birthday was a whirlwind. I can barely remember any of it! (I was also drugged lol). We did a c-section for safety reasons and at 9:39am out came Baby A with a wail! The doctor said,”He’s got a full head of blonde hair!” Imagine my shock when I heard that! I thought for sure he couldn’t possibly be mine! A blonde?! 🙂 Lucky me!
Let me introduce you to Arjen (R-yen) Paul. Previously know as Baby A or Alpha. Weighing a cool 6lbs 15oz and 20.5 inches long.
As he was being weighed Baby B made his way into the world with eyes wide open and quietly taking it all in. Which I would soon learn is a stark contrast to his current personality. Read: drama queen. With a full head of brown hair this little guy took a while to cry it out but eventually got the hang of it.
Let me introduce you to Landon Thomas. Previously known as Baby B or Beta. Weighing in at 5lbs 9oz and 19.5 inches long.
Afterwards, we got to hang out in a recovery room where I got sick from all the meds (yay) and grandma and grandpa got to hold their new grand babies for the first time. And Toblerone was just attached to them both and so in love. I however was sicker than sick so I could care less what was happening around me! Or maybe that was the drugs?
I was sooooo out of it in the pictures but there is happy Daddy!
We got to ring the lullabye announcement twice which was pretty special. Once in our room where we would stay to recover from the hectic morning it became more insane! Babies everywhere, nurses barking out rules and information that I couldn’t comprehend. Our room was like an afternoon on Wall Street. Everyone talking, no room to move! At least from my perspective, that’s how it all felt.
This particular hospital is baby friendly which means no nursery and babies sleep in the room with you. I use that term “sleep” lightly. As you know…that isn’t what happens with newborns. Let’s just say the exhaustion hasn’t stopped since that morning. (They are now 11 weeks old!)
Harley meeting his baby brothers for the first time!
It’s been a crazy ride since then and although we are still trying to get to know each other I’m sure the fun will never end! I am officially a twin mom. That’s pretty special 🙂
All of you know that I was taking a few classes this summer that literally took every ounce of my spare time. But that’s not all I was up to… I was also….trying to nurse myself back to health. That’s right, I’ve been sick. All day, all night kind of sick. For WEEKS! No…MONTHS! Can’t eat, can’t sleep, can’t move, can’t function.
And the reason for this sickness???
That’s right…TWO onesies…means double the fun is on the way for Toblerone and I!
We’ve got a lot to plan for since our lives are completely going to change but we couldn’t be more excited to raise two babies! TWO, people!
It’s that time of year again…no…who am I kidding?! It’s ALWAYS that time of year! Babies are popping up (or out rather) everywhere! And it’s no exception here in Germany!
Standard families are two parents and two children here in good old Deutschland. If you are a family of 3 children then you are considered to have a large family. It’s odd since most people I know have more than just one other sibling back home in the US. Having two kids is considered small and four is normal!
There is a fun way in Germany that the people announce when they have a new member and this morning I took Harley for a walk just so we could stalk these new parents! Love me some babies! Back home in the US we use Facebook (ha!) and birth announcement by form of a letter or delivering owl. Here, they make sure you know and I have a feeling its more so that people be quiet in the neighborhood!
The wooden stork! This is put up right before baby comes and as you can see in the second picture, there is a baby in a blue blanket hanging from the mouth of the stork. This informs us that the baby is a boy!! Yay!!
I think this is kind of fun and exciting! And now is when they get overwhelmed with everyone coming to see them and bring presents. They don’t have baby showers here! Can you believe that?!?! No baby showers, so that means you have the essentials and then people bring you the rest as soon as the baby is born, making life more complicated and annoying when you just need sleep. But no, you must visit with people and organize all the gifts they bring you plus provide the standard coffee and cake. No resting for momma bears!! Let me tell you something, If I’m living here when I have a baby, I will ABSOLUTELY be throwing myself a baby shower and I won’t hold back on my gift requests!! No way, jose!
I just returned from a doctor’s appointment and feel completely deflated. What better way to heal then to just get it all out there for the world. Yes, I’m looking for sympathy, I’ll admit it.
NOTE: This post is a little long but it’s informative. Just stay with me 🙂
In all the many years I played with Barbie and her 20 children (yes 20) I also envisioned my own life to be much of the same. When someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up I would say something along the lines of Ballerina, or Veterinarian. When someone would ask me how many kids I wanted I would easily say 10. Although the idea changed about my career a million times over, the fact that I wanted 10 kids remained for many many years. I recently changed my number to 5 but that’s as low as I was going until….
When I started getting lower back pain I was about 17 years old (that’s ten years ago, people) I thought it was from wearing high heels every day or from running. I went to a chiropractor and felt fine for a while after that. Gradually, the back pain got worse and stayed for longer periods of time. I then went to physical therapy and to a chiropractor. Also getting massages twice a week. This seemed to help for a while. Then about when I was 25 years old, I needed a frequent visitor card to the local hospital. Where one doctor (very hot doctor) stated that, “In the ER we can’t diagnose you, only make you feel comfortable with drugs.” I did everything to try and find out what it was. Accupuncture, spine specialists, hydrotherapy, nerve testing, you name it…it’s been done.
My last visit to the ER I was pumped up with two doses of morphine and percocet along with some other pain-killer as well. This reason for this visit was the worst. I woke up from a dead sleep with shooting pain in my lower back. The kind that if I laid down, sat up, stood up, walked, or breathed…it hurt. No, not just hurt, literally felt like someone reached inside and was ripping my bones out one by one. There is no description for how excruciating this was. When I made it to the hospital they wanted to put me in a wheelchair but that was so painful to sit. Going to the bathroom and sitting on the toilet was unbearable. For ten years no one had an answer for me. No one could help me. But why was an all-around healthy 20 something having this much pain?
I missed out on so many things due to this. I was bed-ridden for weeks at a time and even had to go to work using a cane. I missed out on wine tours (never been to one due to this back issue ALWAYS happening when one was planned), parties with friends, dinners, family gatherings, etc. For my birthday one year I planned a weekend camping trip with 5 other people. I was in the hospital the night before (see above mishap) and stocked up on serious drugs and did my best to pull through. Although I was in another world I was there and tried to push past the pain.
I decided to try one last thing. I went to my GYN and asked her if there was something that could be causing this back pain from her perspective. We did a few tests which were painful…I won’t share what we did – you’re welcome. Then she said she couldn’t see anything unless she did laparoscopic surgery. As horrified at the idea of surgery I was, I decided this was my last chance. My last hope for an answer. After the surgery, she told me she found endometriosis everywhere. It was attached to my appendix, gall bladder, all over in my uterus. Just everywhere. This “Endo” is scar tissue that you get only when you have your period every month. Not everyone has this, obviously, but I must have had it for years and didn’t know it. But this scar tissue latches on to things and grows. Suffocating whatever it is attached to. You would think I would feel a million times better after the surgery but in fact I had visits to the ER even so. My doc then suggested she puts my body through temporary menopause with a 6 month injection to see what becomes of this.
Fast forward 6 months, the hot flashes are treacherous and the weight gain was unwanted but the back pain was gone. For 6 months I was great. After we were done with the injections, I was good for exactly one year. Almost to the day – one year. This January…it started all over again. Now I’m here in Germany, with back pain so severe I’ve been laying on the couch for 3 weeks. Rarely get fresh air and miss out on everything. I haven’t been to my German classes in 3 weeks, haven’t been able to give English lessons in so long. It’s just been a complete mess.
So…I went to the GYN in Germany. She did a full exam – much to Toblerones dismay. Poor guy! He had never been present for this type of thing before. Ha..as I’m sitting here I’m cracking up at his reactions! After all was said and done she basically told us that my Endo is so severe and extreme that having a child would be very complicated, if not impossible. This was a moment I wished I didn’t understand German at all. Looking at the walls covered in Anne Geddes photos of babies just shot an arrow through my heart.
Ok....maybe not this but close enough
Here’s the thing, I knew this was a possibility but you hear so many good stories about women who have had children despite the odds. But did they all have severe endo? Extreme endo? Odds are, probably not nearly as horrific as mine. Knowing it is one thing but actually hearing it was another. I started crying immediately. I’ve just been so down and out about living on the couch and then to have this on top of it. She said she couldn’t help me, not to mention her sense of humor and compassion were lacking. Reminds me of this (here’s a little laugh for you):
So this also explains why I’ve been lacking on the blog front. I’ve been distraught and have nothing to write about, quite frankly. I can describe the view from my couch but that’s about it. Let me ask you this, how long does it take you to go down 13 stairs? Probably under 10 seconds for the average healthy person, right? Well, yesterday it took me over 5 minutes. Think about that. 5 minutes. That’s a hell of a long time! I walk like a dying pterodactyl!!! My flippers are all over the place just to hold my balance. It’s crazy!
I’ll be going to a specialist for endometriosis about an hour away from home. I hope they can help me. I know the next few months are critical. I need to find the strength to fight. To fight for my dream of having a big family, to fight for a life. I want my own child and as good as adoption and surrogates sounds, I just want my own. I want to have the big belly and I want everyone to come up to me and hug it ( I know most women hate that!). I want the morning sickness and I want the swollen feet. I hate seeing people talk about how pregnant they are, complain, post pictures of their baby bump, the cute clothes, the nursery. It’s so painful for someone like me that has to sit around and watch as everyone is easily getting pregnant (even those that shouldn’t be allowed to) and I get a punch in the face.
I’m not sure what I did in my life to deserve this kind of punishment but I will tell you all something. From here on out, you will be apart of my journey…every step of the way. Please join my journey by becoming a subscriber or a fan on the facebook page! What is new in the fertility world, navigating through a language barrier, and so on. I will fight for my dream…and I will fight for the life of my own child.
The Diary of Sugar and Spice 