Throwback Thursday – A Babyrific Post!

Another Thursday yet again, only that much closer to the weekend! Woot woot! I’ve been having crazy dreams about babies and fertility drugs and all sorts of whacko stuff. And staying in theme with this week’s post about Germany’s way of announcing babies I decided to throw us all back to a cold December day in 2009 when my nephew was born! He was the first to give me the name “Aunt Kait” and I just fell TOTALLY in love with him when I saw him all wrapped up like a burrito.

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Isn’t he adorbs?!? He’s all grown up now practically…talking, walking, saying “no” to everything because he can and because he’s a little manpants. Still totally in love with that sweet boy! This picture was also before I knew I had endometriosis and it was a time where the possibility of having my own child was still an easily reachable goal on the horizon.

For those of you who know that I wrote a story called “The Letter” for a great organization called CausePub, we need a certain amount of people to sign up to buy the electronic story. It’s only $10, and it would help us meet our goal to 1. Publish the book and 2. provide clean water to over 40,000 people in Africa. This is such a big deal to me.

I wrote the story a long time ago, not really sure that I would ever publish it in fear of showing my feelings and sounding too dramatic and spotlight hogging. But that’s not the case. I published it and people wrote to me, thanking me for my bravery. That they share the same feelings and problems and are feeling less alone. To have this story published in a book would be not only incredible for a writer like me but imagine the people it would influence!

If you would like to spend the $10 (come on, we all have it to spare!) then please go to CausePub – Buy the book and read more about what your money would do for others. Andddd of course, how it would make me kinda famous!

Until next time, Readers!!!! xoxoxoxo

Another Day, Another Story…

I did something yesterday that took a little courage to do. Remember back a few weeks when I posted about a really cool place called Causepub.com?? I submitted a story which you can see here and vote on for a chance for the story to be published!

Well, I posted a second story. The first was more along the humor lines and this second one was a personal one that hit home. I wrote this letter a bit ago when I was trying to piece together the feelings I was having regarding infertility and the struggle to have my own child. So I wrote this…and for some reason I decided to share it. Why did I share it? Maybe to put the message out in the universe would make it hurt less. Or maybe my struggle would help another woman know she’s not the only one. For whatever reason…it’s there.

Here’s a little excerpt from it:

You don’t know this yet, but you’re the best part of my life. I’ve dreamed of you for so long it’s almost as if I painted you to life. Those soft blue eyes, the sandy brown hair, and the giggle that sends me to the happiest of places.

I’ve been waiting to say those two little words out loud. To scream it to the world that you, my dream, are here. Those words that so many have been able to say before.

“I’m pregnant.”

But with each passing day, the words don’t come. I know you’re just waiting for the perfect moment to surprise me. You’re clever that way, just like me.

To read the rest of it you can go here: The Letter on Cause Pub. And it would mean the WORLD to me if you would vote by clicking the orange thumbs up or the orange button. The more votes, the more chance I have to get my story published.

The orange voting buttons look like this:

Capture

Thank you all for your help and mostly, thank you, as always, for reading!

Until next time, Readers!!! xoxoxoxo

I Have A Secret Hiding Place, Wanna See?

I feel like I’ve been away from you guys for ages!!! I’ve been posting now but it’s food based or part of the Pinterest Challenge. SORRY!

Here’s an update or two.

So my best buddy Ryan and his parents came to visit for one glorious week! I was so excited to have some Americans around me. Plus it really forced me to practice my terrible German. You know what drives me crazy? When I’m obviously trying in German yet the German people sometimes turn around and reply to me in English! Don’t do that…don’t do that you crazy Germs! I’m trying here! I need to learn German more than you need to learn English! Regardless, it’s great to show myself how much I do know in German. I can have conversations now – YAY!

We traveled everywhere – Munich, the Alps, went to the Fruehlingsfest (similar to Oktoberfest except in Springtime), Dachau Concentration Camp Memorial (which I can’t wait to show you pictures of), and some of my usual favorites when people come to town. Castles – Monkeys…the usual! More importantly, it wasn’t what I showed them – it was what they brought ME!

I got two big hugs from my mom (sent through them) and LOADS of peanut butter and Reese’s yumminess. For a girl like me…this is essential. More so than makeup or clothes (can’t believe I just said that!) So I’ll be treating this situation like the Depression. One little Reese’s piece per week. Gotta make this last a LIFETIME! Or at least until the German’s figure out what they are missing!

This awesomeness has been added to my secret hiding place…and I’m going to show you. You are now going to see my greatest collection of all time. It’s a shrine to awesome and just goes to show how loved I am. I get showered in this stuff and now have a secret hiding place – hoarding it like a squirrel!

The rumors are true….I have a chocolate cupboard – filled with the greatest chocolates from Switzerland, Austria, and Germany, and of course AMERICA! I can’t get rid of it and it’s growing and growing! Will be starting another cupboard soon and re-gifting a lot of it. lol.

Is that unbelievable or what?!?! You know what else is unbelievable? Well…where Toblerone works they are a HUGE medical company – largest in the world actually – building everything from implants for knees to tiny scissors for heart surgery on neonatal babies. He brought home a few scissors that are defects but for me to look at that are strictly for cutting the umbilical cord. Depending on if you have a boy or girl you get blue or pink! This may be hard for those hardcore – “my child chooses their own gender” people. But I like the idea…it’s cute! So one day, hopefully, Toblerone will get to pick out one for him to use!

(The pink is usually much brighter but this one was made when they were changing out the molding)

Sweet aren’t they? Gives me butterflies in my heart to think about it!

So we are looking forward to our vacation in August back to the US and getting back to our favorite place, Cape Cod, for a bit as well.  I’ve been busy planning the bachelorette party for my bestest friend who is getting married soon! So very very very excited to be apart of that as well!

All of my flowers that I planted are coming out. I know what you’re thinking….are you seriously blogging about that? YES…yes I am! You know why!?!?! Because I don’t know the first thing about planting, gardening, etc. and I figured it all out…IN GERMAN! HAH! BEAT THAT! Anyways, you will see pictures of everything soon once it blooms and looks amazeballs!

So far, things are good…better in the Summer than they are in the Winter. That’s for sure! For now – eye on the prize. Getting home to see my family again and snuggle them all up! I miss America SOOOOOO much but I can’t think about it. If I do, I crash and go into serious psycho homesick chick.

Anywho, thats all for now, folks! Hope everyone is enjoying the nice weather coming their way (no more snow!!!) Harley says he’s ready for his first beer once FC Bayern wins Champions League Cup Final this weekend. It’s not animal abuse when the dude begs for it!

“Just take the damn picture and give me the snack, Mom!”

Until next time, Readers!!!! xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Truth Be Told

I suppose I should explain why I chose suddenly not to get the surgery to check out how bad my endometriosis is or hopefully isn’t. To put it simply, it’s all bad timing.

First of all my visa expires June 30th. I was here for 3 months before I was issued my 9 month “Student’s visa.” My German language course was the only reason I’ve been able to stay here without being married.

So part two of this story is that I know I will always need these surgeries for the rest of my life for preventative pain measures or to pursue a family. In the moment, it’s April…I wouldn’t be able to start the fertility process until June or later. I don’t want my body to be cut open unless it’s necessary. Last time the Endo was so severe I was down and out for a week when normally the downtime is 2 days at most. I can’t deal with that again! I think the doctor’s here were a little to trigger happy. First steps I think are to sit down with a fertility clinic. Here in Germany the GYN has no part in the fertility process. Completely ass-backwards if you ask me but whatever! So I think if I can line up the fertility stuff with the GYN stuff then we’re good to go. I wish I knew that months ago because I could have gotten a start on it but you all know how I feel about dealing with doctors over here. Not so pleasant and COMPLETELY unorganized.

I had to go into the hospital (1.5 hour drive both ways) the working day before my surgery for pre-op discussions. I met with 4 different people over the course of 5 hours. To do what exactly? The same stuff they could have done with one doctor the day of. It was INSANE. The process was ridiculous and I felt like I was in some sketchy plastic surgery hospital in Mexico. I wouldn’t even find out my surgeon until minutes before my surgery. That to me is insane. My OBGYN in the US was also my surgeon. I had no qualms about it. Here, they didn’t know who it would be and they never make the process personal. I realize doctors can’t attach themselves to one case and it make it their own but it would be nice if they tried. For me, this is my whole world and to put it into a bunch of people’s hands is not for me.

At this moment the time frame didn’t make sense. I want a family but I want one when the timing allows for it. I realize chaos and stress may cause it all to be delayed anyways, so I’m waiting.

A million people yesterday told the world they are having another baby or their first one. I’m so unbelievably happy for everyone but truth be told, my heart breaks every single time. It’s just unfair. I won’t go on and on…you all know how I feel. I just hope by the time all the pieces fall together it won’t be too late.

Until next time, Readers! Xoxoxoxo

Doctors, Surgeries, and News

Yesterday was my first appointment at the Women’s Clinic here in Germany. I had been pretty nervous about this for a few days but was trying to mask it by keeping busy (hence the lack of a blog post! SORRY!) Now that my nerves are back together, I’m doing good and can tell you all about this stage of the journey!

So this place is known for it’s specialists in Endometriosis and even though I was nervous I was still hopeful that they wouldn’t get my hopes up right away. Unlike my regular doctor who flat out told me that babies and me weren’t meant to be. Bitch. After the hour long drive we arrive to this massive city and to this massive University Hospital with multiple buildings. I got right into my appointment with maybe a 4 minute wait time which was excellent considering how I couldn’t focus on anything anyways.

After the tests and what not (you’re not getting the details) they told me that they will need to do another laparoscopic surgery. It’s through the belly button which makes me want to barf just thinking about it. Did I ever tell you guys that I HATE belly buttons? They make me gag. Anywhooooo WAY off topic.  So another surgery – and if there is a lot of endometriosis they won’t touch anything. They will sew me back up and after the surgery will put me back through the miserable menopause injections called Lupron for 2-3 months to shrink up the large masses. After the 3 months is done, I will go back in for a second surgery where at this time it’s easier for them to zap all the crap out. That’s option number one. Number two is they go in for the surgery and where there isn’t a lot of tissue to remove, they will just zap it out of there and sew me up. Then the baby making process will start.

However, this baby making process is freaking me out a little bit. I’m not sure what is to come after the surgery. There is still the possibility that it will be too difficult for us to conceive naturally. There is the possibility that the fertility processes may not work. There is a possibility that after years of trying we still will come up empty handed.  I need to stop waiting for the “bad news” and focus on the positive but thats really hard when the one dream you have could be crushed in one appointment. Luckily, I like my doctor and she will not be harmed if in fact the news is bad. I promise!

So here’s to stage one of the process. Really wishing it wasn’t going to be such a long and winding road. (Queue: Beatles) I guess the part we are waiting to hear is whether or not I have stage I,II, III, or IV of this illness. One and two we can work with…three and four is much too difficult I think and we will consider our other options. Anyone up to be my surrogate?! Anyways, thanks for reading, listening, and following my babble of a journey. I’m super glad I have my Toblerone right by my side through all this, I know it hasn’t been easy for him either. (Thanks Bubs!)  It helps me for some reason to just get it out in the open. I’m gonna show this mean old Endo that I’m not scared of it and I will fight it to the death!

Until next time, Readers!!!!! xoxoxoxoxoxo

The Fight For Life

I just returned from a doctor’s appointment and feel completely deflated. What better way to heal then to just get it all out there for the world. Yes, I’m looking for sympathy, I’ll admit it.

NOTE: This post is a little long but it’s informative. Just stay with me 🙂 

In all the many years I played with Barbie and her 20 children (yes 20) I also envisioned my own life to be much of the same. When someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up I would say something along the lines of Ballerina, or Veterinarian. When someone would ask me how many kids I wanted I would easily say 10.  Although the idea changed about my career a million times over, the fact that I wanted 10 kids remained for many many years. I recently changed my number to 5 but that’s as low as I was going until….

When I started getting lower back pain I was about 17 years old (that’s ten years ago, people) I thought it was from wearing high heels every day or from running.  I went to a chiropractor and felt fine for a while after that. Gradually, the back pain got worse and stayed for longer periods of time. I then went to physical therapy and to a chiropractor. Also getting massages twice a week. This seemed to help for a while. Then about when I was 25 years old, I needed a frequent visitor card to the local hospital. Where one doctor (very hot doctor) stated that,  “In the ER we can’t diagnose you, only make you feel comfortable with drugs.” I did everything to try and find out what it was. Accupuncture, spine specialists, hydrotherapy, nerve testing, you name it…it’s been done.

My last visit to the ER I was pumped up with two doses of morphine and percocet along with some other pain-killer as well. This reason for this visit was the worst. I woke up from a dead sleep with shooting pain in my lower back. The kind that if I laid down, sat up, stood up, walked, or breathed…it hurt. No, not just hurt, literally felt like someone reached inside and was ripping my bones out one by one. There is no description for how excruciating this was. When I made it to the hospital they wanted to put me in a wheelchair but that was so painful to sit. Going to the bathroom and sitting on the toilet was unbearable.  For ten years no one had an answer for me. No one could help me. But why was an all-around healthy 20 something having this much pain?

I missed out on so many things due to this. I was bed-ridden for weeks at a time and even had to go to work using a cane. I missed out on wine tours (never been to one due to this back issue ALWAYS happening when one was planned), parties with friends, dinners, family gatherings, etc. For my birthday one year I planned a weekend camping trip with 5 other people.  I was in the hospital the night before (see above mishap) and stocked up on serious drugs and did my best to pull through. Although I was in another world I was there and tried to push past the pain.

I decided to try one last thing. I went to my GYN and asked her if there was something that could be causing this back pain from her perspective. We did a few tests which were painful…I won’t share what we did – you’re welcome.  Then she said she couldn’t see anything unless she did laparoscopic surgery. As horrified at the idea of surgery I was, I decided this was my last chance. My last hope for an answer. After the surgery, she told me she found endometriosis everywhere. It was attached to my appendix, gall bladder, all over in my uterus. Just everywhere. This “Endo” is scar tissue that you get only when you have your period every month. Not everyone has this, obviously, but I must have had it for years and didn’t know it. But this scar tissue latches on to things and grows. Suffocating whatever it is attached to. You would think I would feel a million times better after the surgery but in fact I had visits to the ER even so. My doc then suggested she puts my body through temporary menopause with a 6 month injection to see what becomes of this.

Fast forward 6 months, the hot flashes are treacherous and the weight gain was unwanted but the back pain was gone. For 6 months I was great. After we were done with the injections, I was good for exactly one year. Almost to the day – one year. This January…it started all over again. Now I’m here in Germany, with back pain so severe I’ve been laying on the couch for 3 weeks. Rarely get fresh air and miss out on everything. I haven’t been to my German classes in 3 weeks, haven’t been able to give English lessons in so long. It’s just been a complete mess.

So…I went to the GYN in Germany. She did a full exam – much to Toblerones dismay. Poor guy! He had never been present for this type of thing before. Ha..as I’m sitting here I’m cracking up at his reactions! After all was said and done she basically told us that my Endo is so severe and extreme that having a child would be very complicated, if not impossible.  This was a moment I wished I didn’t understand German at all. Looking at the walls covered in Anne Geddes photos of babies just shot an arrow through my heart.

Ok....maybe not this but close enough

Here’s the thing, I knew this was a possibility but you hear so many good stories about women who have had children despite the odds. But did they all have severe endo? Extreme endo? Odds are, probably not nearly as horrific as mine.  Knowing it is one thing but actually hearing it was another. I started crying immediately. I’ve just been so down and out about living on the couch and then to have this on top of it. She said she couldn’t help me, not to mention her sense of humor and compassion were lacking. Reminds me of this (here’s a little laugh for you):

So this also explains why I’ve been lacking on the blog front. I’ve been distraught and have nothing to write about, quite frankly.  I can describe the view from my couch but that’s about it. Let me ask you this, how long does it take you to go down 13 stairs? Probably under 10 seconds for the average healthy person, right? Well, yesterday it took me over 5 minutes. Think about that. 5 minutes. That’s a hell of a long time! I walk like a dying pterodactyl!!! My flippers are all over the place just to hold my balance. It’s crazy!

I’ll be going to a specialist for endometriosis about an hour away from home. I hope they can help me. I know the next few months are critical. I need to find the strength to fight. To fight for my dream of having a big family, to fight for a life. I want my own child and as good as adoption and surrogates sounds, I just want my own. I want to have the big belly and I want everyone to come up to me and hug it ( I know most women hate that!). I want the morning sickness and I want the swollen feet. I hate seeing people talk about how pregnant they are, complain, post pictures of their baby bump, the cute clothes, the nursery. It’s so painful for someone like me that has to sit around and watch as everyone is easily getting pregnant (even those that shouldn’t be allowed to)  and I get a punch in the face.

I’m not sure what I did in my life to deserve this kind of punishment but I will tell you all something. From here on out, you will be apart of my journey…every step of the way. Please join my journey by becoming a subscriber or a fan on the facebook page! What is new in the fertility world, navigating through a language barrier, and so on. I will fight for my dream…and I will fight for the life of my own child.

Until next time, Readers!!! xoxoxoxoxoxo

The GM Diet – Take One!

For a while now I’ve been wanting to do something drastic about myself. Not only do I want to lose weight (every woman’s quest) but I want to do it in a healthy way and with benefits other than the obvious. My best friend  (read her blog too, SO hilarious!) turned me onto this crazy diet, which I’m surprised I never heard of it before but I’m diggin it!

I’m not a dieter person, never really needed to be until medical issues forced me to take injections for 6 months and gain a crap load of weight that was completely uncalled for! Anywho, now that the medicine has finally worked its way out of my body, I wanted to do something quick (just in time for my trip back home…11 days!!) and something that would also do a bit of a cleanse/detoxify the old canvas.

So we have 7 days to get ourselves together and BAM! It’s possible to lose up to 10-17lbs doing this (hells yes!) and at the same time reset your body. Here’s the plan for the 7 days taken from http://www.gmdietplan.com/

Day One: Today is a day to eat only fruits but no bananas. You can eat as many fruits as you want. It’s advisable to eat lot of melons today as it will help to lose weight to a great extent on your first day.

Day Two: Start your morning with a large bowl of potato and rest of day is to eat only vegetables. You can eat as much you as want and it is encouraged to eat all kinds of vegetables including cooked and raw vegetables.

Day Three: This is a day with mixture of vegetables and fruits of your choice. Again you can eat any amount, any quantity, and any type but strictly no bananas yet and no potatoes today.

Day Four: It may look bit strange but today is a day for bananas and milk. Today you should drink three glasses of milk and eat as many as eight bananas. It is encouraged to have a vegetable soup tonight but remember to limited quantity.

Day Five: Today is a day to eat beef and tomatoes. Eat two 10 oz. portions of lean beef. Hamburger is OK. Combine this with six whole tomatoes. Today you need to  increase your water intake as you need to cleanse your system of the uric acid you will be producing.

Day Six: Today is a day to eat beef and vegetables. It is OK to eat as much as beef you want along with any vegetables.

Day Seven: Today you may eat your some brown rice, fruit juices and all type of the vegetables you want to eat.

Seems possible right? Today I started it and it’s all fruits, the whole day. I’m a little bit hungry as of right now (it’s 4pm our time in Germany) and I’ve been eating grapes, kiwis, grapefruit, clementines, and melon. I seriously need to up the water intake but working on it! So far so good! I’ve never been a fruit kind of girl..I really love my vegetables and could eat those all day every day.

There another great website I found also about this which helps with a daily plan on what to eat, etc. as well as tips! http://www.gmdietworks.com/

The other important factor is the exercise! It’s a bit tough because I’m also sick at the same time but I’ve gotten outside for little walks and tomorrow will go hiking! I can’t wait to report back with all the results! And if it gets too crazy tough, I’ll be blogging about it to keep my mind focused! All the support I can get is greatly appreciated, friends! 🙂 Time to get back to my normal weight – premedical catastrophe!

Until next time, Readers!!! xoxoxoxoxo

Together Let’s Fight For Sarah’s Life

I’m just going to come right out and say it. CANCER SUCKS! But one thing that Cancer can’t affect is the amount of love and support that comes around when the “C word” is uttered. I’ve directly been affected  with Cancer in my family and I always try to do what I can when I have the means to. One thing that is free to give…LOVE. Another thing….SUPPORT. I know all of you know someone, directly or indirectly, who has been affected by cancer. However, for me, I feel that no matter if you know the person or not your support can be healing in more ways than one. That’s why I’m joining in the fight. Sarah’s fight. Won’t you join me?

Since Sarah is from Maine I’m targeting all my Mainer friends to pull through and head out to the benefits to do your part. You wouldn’t believe the kind of love one can feel from the kindness of a stranger. For the rest of you, no excuses. I’m 3,000 miles away and supporting this girl with loads of love!

Sarah is a 26 year old mother, wife, daughter, friend, and identical twin. She was 24 when they discovered she had a brain tumor which she kicked out in the summer of 2011. Five weeks later the tumor had returned and this time it was deemed, “inoperable.” She and her family are now in the fight for her life and every bit of support will help. I know this hits home for many of you so let’s see what we can do to offer a heartfelt, ” BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF CANCER” for Sarah. Let’s let her know that the world is cheering her on and we have her back.

She’s currently receiving chemotherapy treatments at the Infusion Center of Tufts Medical Center in Boston and the traveling in itself is tiring but we know the worst of it isn’t the travel time. Six days ago she completed her second chemo treatment and a few weeks ago, her beautiful daughter just started Kindergarten. Aside from the battle she is fighting she has a life to live, memories to make, identical smiles to share with her twin sister, kisses to give her highschool sweetheart husband, and hugs to wrap around her baby girl. Someone as beautiful as her deserves this chance. She can beat this and the more support the better.

How can you help? Great question….there are many ways to help!

Help 1: Join her facebook site and send her some support. Give her a shout-out. Tell her that you care about her from miles away or from next door. For those of you in Maine, they are constantly updating with benefits and spaghetti dinners that are happening. They have a Halloween Bash coming up so dress up and go have some fun!

Sarah’s Fight On Facebook

Help 2:  A great friend set up a blog for her with all the benefits, updates, pictures, and videos. I encourage you to go check it out and learn more about Sarah and her beautiful family.

Sarah’s Fight On Blogspot

Help 3: Purchase a bracelet. You can currently do so at selected stores and places around Maine. Please go grab one! Only $2.00, skip the latte and do something better with your money!

A Support Bracelet For Sarah

She’s one of the most fabulous people in the world for many reasons but one that is quite inspiring is she has started a project to provide housing to families that are fighting this disease. As if she doesn’t have enough to think about, she continues to think for others and how she can help make it easier for those that need to travel for treatments find housing close-by to the medical facilities. Read more about her amazing work here and also on her blog.

I know there are many people in the world fighting a battle right now. Our hearts are with every single person battling Cancer. Let’s fight with Sarah, give it your all, she sure as hell is!

Sarah – You are not alone. People all over the world are pulling for you! We put our boxing gloves on and we’re ready to knock Cancer out! Your smile is inspiring and will continue to win over the hearts of your supporters…your own personal army! Keep up the good fight – we’ve got your back.

30 Day Blog Challenge – Day 27

Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge

Good question. I’m not doing this for fun. I’m doing it to keep motivated in the blog world. For the past 30 days I have been engulfed in a medical situation that did not allow me to think outside my own box. So, to have daily topics already planned for me was the best.

As I briefly spoke about why I was proud of Toblerone, this was the reason for the 30 day blog challenge. Not only did I need a distraction, but I needed something to keep me going and focused.

So Toblerone had a crazy rare GIANT cyst type situation growing and stretching out his duodenum. For those of you who are not up on your medical terminology – google it. Basically for ten years Toblerone had been limited to certain foods, over time it got worse and eventually it was down to eating only soup. If he ate anything else, he would puke it up. Then it started with the fevers of 104 degrees which would last for about 24 hours or so. Chills would set in and there we went. Up at odd hours of the night trying to warm him up. There I was with my hormones, hot as can be and trying to warm up our room. This could go on no longer. He missed out on soccer games and work functions due to this. It was not a life to live.

We decided it was time to check him into a stay at the hospital and do the necessary tests to figure out what was wrong with him. And so we did. He had this rare cysts nonsense and would require major surgery. Most of his organs were weakened and stretched out. It’s way more complicated than all of that but the whole thing took a toll on both of us and our families. For one, I traveled the many miles every day to the hospital. Some stays were longer than others but during the first week or so, he slept most of the time. Secondly, I was in a hospital with people who barely spoke English, if at all. So confusing, I didn’t even know what they were doing to him half of the time. It took me several hours after his surgery to really find out what they did! I mean I was staring at him with 8,000 tubes coming out of him and I couldn’t do a thing. I hadn’t heard his laugh in so long I almost forgot what it sounded like. More than anything I needed my mommy.

So, the surgeon told us to prepare for a recovery of 6-8 weeks. He was a jerk. I hated him. I won’t get into it but he’s good at what he does in the operating room…he’s crap with socialization. We were left thinking that Tobi would be in the hospital for 6-8 weeks…not the case. It was at this time that I knew I wanted to continue with my blog but didn’t have time to focus on anything other than him. I knew I wouldn’t be seeing anything but the stark hospital so there wasn’t much to blog about anywho.

There you have it…we’re home now, and he’s doing fantastic. He’s got a big old battle scar on his belly but it’s healing rather fast and can finally move around and he eats EVERYTHING (without puking.) His whole life has changed around and he can finally taste and see the world without fear of being sick all the time.

And that is why I chose do to the 30 day blog challenge. It’s not ideal but it’s something!!!

Until next time, Readers!! xoxoxoxoxoxo

P.S. In case you didn’t remember….my birthday is tomorrow. WOOT WOOT!!

 

It’s a Medical Mystery

I’m tired and I’m sick. No, not tired and sick of living here… I actually quite like it, that is, if I could get out to explore it all. I’ve had seriously chronic lower back pain since I was 18 years old. I’m now almost 27 and I’m starting to realize that a good majority of my life has been taken by this medical mystery. Thats right, folks, I’m a mystery.

I’ve seen so many doctors, specialists and mothers, that you would think by now someone has a clue. Oh no…no clues have been given. I’m sent on my merry way every time with a, “hmmm…I’m not sure what it could be! Have you tired to ice it?”  It’s exhausting. My poor family and friends…and of course Harley and Toblerone have all suffered through this with me. I can’t walk…I can’t eat…I can’t do ANYTHING except cry. I know you people don’t want to hear about my sob story….there are worse things in the world. I guess I just want someone to fix me. It’s frustrating enough to spend thousands of dollars on medical testing and doctor’s, and ER visits every time this acts up. I just want someone to heal this issue so I can go on living my life!

You know, it’s like if you have cancer…someone can do a test, and be told. Or if you’re diabetic…again, it takes a test and you know what it is. Can you imagine feeling such severe pain you rather wish you were dead and the smartest doctors in the world just look at you and blink?? What is that?! Certainly isn’t confidence that one day you will live a normal life.

So yes, it’s dibilitating, paralyzing, and incredibly painful. It’s gradually become worse over the years and when we thought we figured it out, it would come back. It’s now become pain management. This bout of it all has come as a shock to me. We had recently found that I had acquired such terrible endometriosis ( attached to my appendix and gall bladder) that had I not had this “diagnostic test” I would have certainly been back in the hospital with a burst appendix from it all. Awesome!  Due to this, my doc put me on Lupron – a.k.a. Menopause. They put my body through temporary menopause for 6 months which means I give my body a rest from the monthly woman issues and gain HOT FLASHES!!! WHOOO!!!!! Note: I am NOT looking forward to being 50 and getting these again. I figured I could handle it for 6 months…my last injection was in Jan…it’s now March and I’m still getting them. The miracle of it all was I didn’t have back pain. NONE for those 6 months. As soon as I stop the injections…it’s attacking me once again. COME ON!!!!!

Let’s lists all of things have I done and according to The Mayo Clinic…thats all there is to do!

Physical Therapy and Exercise

Accupuncture

Nerve Testing

Chiropractice Care

Accupuncture

Nerve Testing

Bone Scan

MRI

CT Scan

X-Rays

Blood and Urine Tests

Massage

Cognitive Behavorial Therapy

Diagnostic Laparoscopy

I have successfully completed all of these things with no answer. Kill me now. ANDDDDDDD this does not included the ridiculous long and scary list of drugs I’ve popped. My mom can account for this. I woke up in SEVERE pain in August (a few days before the Lupron) and honestly, couldn’t take it anymore. I was already walking with a cane and my pride was demolished. I stopped wearing stilletos (MY FAVORITE THINGS IN THE WORLD) many moons ago. Toblerone was scared because all I was doing was sitting there and screaming/sobbing. I couldn’t sit, couldn’t lay down but standing was ok. Standing and not moving.

My mom came to take me to the hospital and I stood….I stood for about an hour or two in the waiting room. Then I stood for several hours behind the terribly and not fashion-forward curtain. ( I had to stare at it for ages.) I was in so much pain at this point I wasn’t moving at all. They gave me an injection of morphine and percocet (I believe)…came back 30 minutes later and nothing had changed so they gave me a pill of something else, another 30 minutes later and nothing changed again so I was given another two injections again of morphine and percocet.  At this point, my body was shutting down. I was exhausted and there was SO much medicine in my bloodstream, I was able to sit on the bed and res my head tovsleep on the little roley poley dinner tray. And what does the doctor tell me? “Oh, I don’t know what you have, we can only make you comfortable in the ER, we can’t diagnose.”  For as hot as he was….and as drugged as I was….I let that one go. However, it still makes me angry today. This is my life story…lots of drugs, no help.

I’m patiently ( although honestly, not so patiently) awaiting for my insurance to clear here so I can get my broken ass to the doctor. I’m DYING for something other than these 2400mg of Ibuprofen I’m downing (which don’t even touch the pain.) If there are any doctors out there….PLEASE HELP ME!

I just want to be able to move around and go to Toblerone’s soccer games, or go out with friends, walk my dog, sit and watch a movie, SLEEP, just anything without crying about it or limping. I’m 27, not 80! Right now, I’m sitting on my couch…where I have been for the past week, praying for a miracle. Toblerone is sound asleep upstairs in our big bed and the sofa is where I live.

I know this post isn’t that exciting or about Germany, but you know…sometimes it’s best to just get it out! So brighten my day and subscribe to this blog. 🙂 It’s the option on the lower right hand side 🙂 THANKS!

xoxoxo