Everywhere Is Backwards

I’ve been here quite a while now (Over a year) and I’ve made a few notes on the strange ways the Germans live and I wanted to share them with you. It would be interesting to see what they think is strange/weird/different coming to the US. But until someone decides to write about it…I’m writing my side!

A Tissue, Please

No matter where I am, no matter what time of year or time of day, people here are constantly using tissues. I think growing up my mom always had a tissue in her purse or a napkin in the car glove box for emergencies like spilling my drink all over me or cutting my finger off but usually not for the reason the tissue was invented for. Here, in good old Deutschland, these boogers are using tissues religiously. Even dudes carry around their own little handy pack in their back pockets.  It could be the hottest day in summer and they are using them!

I can’t really put it into words how often these people use them. In fact, when I get asked for one and I don’t have a pack in my purse, it’s like the devil horns grew out of my head and poked people they are so shocked! It’s ok…I’m here to help…put down the tissues. First step is admitting you have an addiction!

Thumb To One:

I realize this may actually qualify towards a few people in the US but they don’t count. When counting I’ve noticed that many Deutsch peeps use their thumb as the number “one.” In the US we usually use our pointer finger and thumb as a last resort. Am I wrong?? But here, the thumb is king. It’s the big, fat, and juicy part of the hand. Why not be number one, right? No. Not ok.

Thats just weird. I always get confused when they start counting and I see them use their thumb. Like when they are trying to show me “2” it looks like they are making the “Loser” sign or maybe the “pistol.” Either way, it’s awkward.

Text Me Later, Baby!:

Nowadays, since I have a working cell phone and can speak enough German to get me by, texting is once again an easier form of communication for me. This isn’t weird so much as it is endearing. When someone texts you they always say, “Hallo Spice…” and they end their texts with “LG *NAME*” The “LG” stands for “Lieber Grusse” which is translated to “Lovely Greetings.” Or something strange like that. I guess it means “Sincerely” to us Ami’s. (That’s the short word for Americans.) What strikes me as weird is that it’s like writing a formal letter to each other. I can go back and forth via text for days without actually greeting someone with a “hello” or a “Have a nice day.” Here, for every single text you get whether you’re in a conversation or not, they end it with “Sincerely, Spice.” But in German obviously. Are you following me? Anyways, they are just so polite and formal with each other. I can’t get the hang of it. My texts usually go something like, “Hey Bitch, bring me food. NOW.”  Any one notice I used quotation marks wayyyyyy too much in this bit?

Don’t Text, Facebook Me:

We all know that in America social networks rule our lives. We invented them, why wouldn’t they be.  So Twitter, Facebook, MySpace (now very lame), and whatever else you can think of literally keeps me up late at night checking and refreshing until my brain shuts off. It actually drives me crazy when I ask people if they have Facebook and they tell me “No.”  What? NO? Are you a cave man? One of those weird hippy people that live off the earth?? Get yourself together and advance into the future, folks! Anyways, I notice this a lot with the Germs. They shorten their names or abbreviate them? For instance, if I was to do this with my blog name it would look like so: Dia Sug Spi.  I suppose they don’t want people to find them? There are privacy options for that first of all. I mean, isn’t the whole purpose of facebook or any social network for that matter is so that you can stay in contact with your friends/schoolmates that are all over the world? Ok…the real reason is so we can stalk our ex’s and people we hated in school and in life but that doesn’t matter.

The Apple Of My Eye:

I’m not sure any of you know this but I hate apples. Like unbaked, straight from the market apples. Can’t STAND them. If they are squishy and in a pie or cooked in someway, I’ll eat them. The texture of them fresh and straight off the tree is making my teeth cringe at this very moment. Disgusting.

Anywho, Toblerone eats them and I often pack those in his lunch every morning. (Yes, I’m an awesome Frauy. Wifey = Frauy) However, Every single time I have to wash them off vigorously because there is this wax-like coating on them to preserve them. That’s extra gross to me. It’s like grabbing an apple covered in vasoline. Ok, maybe not that extreme but for me – the average apple hater, it’s pure torture.

Walking In A Construction Wonderland

I’ve told you before that the Germs love walking. They do it all day every day and do nothing else. In fact, they don’t work. They only walk. Just kidding. The great thing about Germany is the incredible amounts of space to walk or go hiking. There are trails that lead you to each town and into the next. In fact, usually my day with Harley begins with me checking out how many people are out walking around to limit his “attacks” to at least 2-3 a day.

Recently behind our house they started constructing a new road and places for housing along those roads. This has been going on since October or so of last year and is still continuing. I was shocked yesterday when I was out with Harley for our walk and there were two older yet fit ladies walking through the construction site on this “road” as if there were no bulldozers working around them. Um, I’m pretty sure if we did that in the US we would be screamed at and our chances of death would be quite high. Who does that?! 

That’s where the ladies were walking yesterday (I took this today) and I was absolutely floored. There are plenty of places to walk (see where I’m standing) that avoid this area. People are so RUDE! Oh and check out that ugly yellow house. YIKES! They just built it and when they put that color on it…ruined the whole thing. Gross.

Anywho, I love these Germans…I do, but sometimes they do strange things! Well strange because it’s not what I grew up with! Have you ever been to another country or state even and noticed they do things a little bit different? Like going to the south and they put so much sugar in their ice tea!! In the North or how I was raised, no sugar! 🙂

Until next time, Readers!!!! xoxoxoxoxoxo

Things I’m Having A Hard Time Living Without

I can certainly live without things but I would prefer NOT to…and here are my reasons why. I encourage you to pay close attention, take notes, tie a ribbon around your finger to remind yourself that you all have it really good back in your own home countries. My life without the following feels incomplete BUT I do have backup, luckily which counter my complaints of course!

I’ve got exactly 30 days  as of today until I land on the mushy ground of America. Put me there RIGHT now! Now that I’m getting down to the finish line, I’m getting excited and overly worked up about the fact that the East Coast is indulging in delish Fall treats and I’m stuck in a place that doesn’t know what Starbucks Pumpkin Latte is or what a Pumpkin Pie is. HELP!

1. Gossip Girls 

You all know just what I’m talking about. A night were you get all dolled up, put on the greatest pair of stilettos you own, a new dress, and the works and you meet your favorite girlfriends out for sushi dinner and gossip for ages over Martinis of every kind. The more you knock back the more stories and emotions flow. Finding out about which idiot brought their mistress to their own wedding only to divorce their wife a few months later, or the trashy girl from high school that has way too many kids with way too many different men, or maybe it’s the latest crap your ex is up to. Although none of that is important but it’s just stuff to talk about and we all can relate. We talk about our relationship problems in a “safe” area (bars are always so loud they swallow and hide your words forever) and every guy that tries to hit on us only pushes us to band together and give him a nice glass of icy glare with a splash of the cold shoulder. Why?? Because it’s god damn GIRLS NIGHT OUT, Bitches!!

           Remedy: So how to we fix this little problem? Easy…FACEBOOK. Everyone, including myself, writes all sorts of personal stuff on The Book nowadays and not only can I stalk my girlfriends (yes, I admit) I also lurk behind my laptop to see who’s having a baby, getting married, breaking up, divorcing, being annoying, biting their nails, wearing bad outfits which include visors (STOP IT!), and who is overly obsessed with their special someone (this might be me). Thank you Facebook for feeding me with the gossip I need to sustain myself until I get back to the states for a visit!  Speaking of Facebook….please go to my Blog Page and like it. And if that is too complicated, on the right hand side here there is  button to “like” it as well. THANKS! 🙂

2. Martinis

Pomegranate, Very Dirty, Chocolate, Apple, Apple Pie, Banana Split, Cosmopolitan, Flirtini, Gingerbread, Gummy Worm, Key Lime Pie, Kiwi, Hello Kitty, Melon Ball, Watermelon, and Pumpkin (DAMMIT!)

These are all things we are aware of. Those girly drinks (and some of them MAN-tini’s) that are FABU and absolutely mouth-watering. I used to partake in these tasty bits quite often back in the states…trying every one on the menu if necessary. If I asked for a Martini here….Do you know what I would get? Actual Martini & Rossi. This is like a strong wine or so I’m told. I’ve never had it because I’m boycotting. Here’s the situation, I’m DYING to make all the Martini’s I love for people here so they can see how awesome it is. They see them in the movies and Sex and the City shows…it’s just unfair. Anyway, I would LOVE to make these but there are no such things as flavored vodkas, think Three Olives Brand or other special liqueurs like the Pumpkin Spice that I need to make the Pumpkin Martini. Lord have mercy….this is going to be a long few years without those babies.

I’m positive as soon as I get back to the states I’ll be throwing those back like Homer does to his donuts or cookie monster to his cookies…or is it vegetables now?

Remedy: WodkaBull – aka Vodka RedBull…..AMEN. Of course they also have wineries up the ying AND the yang and a realllllly good bottle of wine costs about 8.00 Euro…that’s like $11 bucks and some change. Can’t beat that!

3. Care packages

My mom was always giving me stuff and sending me home with food from her fridge (leftovers are the BEST). We would go shopping together all the time and hang out, have a Panera Bread lunch date, all sorts of mommy daughter bliss. When I see my mom on Skype, it’s just not the same. I can’t hug her. I miss my best friend. End of story.

Mommy and Me

Remedy: As there is no replacement for that kind of hole in the heart, Care packages are fantastic!! Or cards. Or letters via snail mail. All of this is great. When I get the box the first thing I do is look at my mom’s handwriting…I would recognize that anywhere. Then I open the box and smell the inside. I know what you’re thinking but I’m always hoping I can smell a bit of home in there. As I look through all the things I imagine her buying them and thinking of me. It’s such a nice surprise. Each little thing, even if it’s just a sticker or a lollipop, it means the absolute WORLD to me. And….to be able to read instructions or the packaging in English is a treat too.

4. Streaming Music

You know those moments where you’re angry because your download is slow or for whatever reason your favorite homepage isn’t working? Yeah, that’s how I feel every day. As the majority of you are participating in the newest fads such as Spotify or the older one Pandora….I don’t have access to these. Nope. Not at all. Germany has some weird problem with streaming music and this has caused me some very serious heart palpitations! Even YouTube is complicated and most of the time as you all post the coolest new videos on Facebook I can’t watch them. “This video is not allowed in your country.”  Listen here Maestro…this isn’t my country however as an American citizen I think I should have the right to watch whatever I want whenever I want. Who do I have to bring down?

Remedy:  Stereomood. This is fantastic for me. For those of you who are new to this fad – it’s uploaded music from other users and categorized under a certain mood. So when I’m feeling like sunshine, I head on over to the sunshine channel. When I feel like punching babies in the face, I head over to child abuse channel. No that’s not a channel option but you get the idea.  It’s my savior. Although most of the time the music annoys me like mosquitos buzzing in my ear, at least it’s something. The possibility of hearing new music excites my loins.

5. Televise My Life

No really….give me a reality show.

Here we have massive amounts of channels on the TV and all sorts of shows I know back home. One problem…they are all in German. I do try to pay attention sometimes but most of the time it’s annoying and I give up. We have the British version of CNN and BBC which is great but can bore me very easily once they get on their kicks about the financial outcome of the world and all that nonsense. I couldn’t care less. I’m focused on my own financial situation…can’t possibly care about everyone else.

Remedy: There is a God and she seriously knows just how to please me. She has granted me with free streaming video of the latest shows the day after they air. Indeed, I can find this on services such as Sidereel or XBMC (Thanks Bro!). This plays a giant part in my life. I couldn’t go a day without knowing I had access to Gossip Girl, The Vampire Diaries, and many other terrible Reality shows.

6. Vanilla Extract

For those of us that bake we know the importance of  Vanilla Extract. It’s like the piece to the puzzle that can never go missing otherwise it makes the entire puzzle look like crap. Get what I’m saying? In Germany there is no such thing. I keep trying to figure out how they make their cakes but I’m dumbfounded. When I realized there was no such thing as Vanilla here I about died. They have some sort of really oily based, almost buttery type of Vanilla flavoring in tubes but this is not the alcohol smelling Vanilla we know. It does NOT work. I was once on the verge of disaster without this stuff…and then…..

Remedy: I make everyone who comes over here (old colleagues and the like) bring Vanilla Extract with them. Our last buddy that stopped in brought me two large bottles of it (Thanks to his wife) and I’m happy as a clam. I can bake till my heart’s content without crying about it.

Until next time, Readers!!! xoxoxoxoxo

30 Day Blog Challenge – Day 14

Day 14- Seven things that cross your mind a lot

1. The Future of Facebook

It’s common while I’m stalking others on facebook I think about how we had new profile pictures and new albums of pictures from mini-vacations or new babies. Yet, here in lies the situation. Let’s say in 20 years, facebook is still cool and happening…are people going to leave up the pictures of themselves from 20 years before? The younger, sexier body, better dressed? I mean…what a comparison…You have the hot guy from your 4th grade class who grew up to be even hotter now and is sporting a 6 pack or maybe it’s an 8 pack. Then in 20 years…he has a new photo up. Of him holding his 5 year old and his 6 pack is now gone and replaced by cake, spare ribs, and beer. I have been on facebook for several years now and looking back at my first profile pic compared to now…there is already a massive change. I look old as hell compared to my younger, cuter face back then!

2. Why bother cleaning?

You ever notice that when you spend all day doing laundry, cleaning the floors – mopping included, dusting, wiping down counters, changing the sheets on your bed, and every other thing you do to make your house glisten. Then your family comes tramping in and it’s all a mess before you can blink your eyes. Milk is spilled on the clean floor, dog hair is EVERYWHERE, Food crumbs reappear on the counters, and the nicely made bed is now in a crumbled mess. Someone tell me why this happens? Why it’s only the person who cleans all the time that tries to keep everything clean. This drives me crazy and I CONSTANTLY think about this.

3. Wed-Me-Not

I’m obsessed with weddings and always looking at the dresses and how people do things, what colors they choose and yaddy yadda. Sometimes I’m super nosey and I’m only interested in the details, I don’t want to steal ideas! Just an FYI if you’re ever asked by me. I’ve had my wedding planned for much too long and know exactly how I want them (yes them…I’m having two.) But, there comes a time when I think people need to be shot. Neon colors for a wedding? Or short mini skirts? Or maybe it’s the camouflage wedding. Kill me now.

Why be gross? Why? I wish class grew on trees. I would hand it out like it’s candy! Damn rednecks!! They just annoy me! And, I absolutely can NOT stand people who wear jeans to a wedding. Were you raised in a cave, you moron? Just don’t…don’t breathe, don’t live. Don’t do anything. Just disperse! Sorry – a little hasty but I really have an issue with disgusting people and their terrible judgement. You can see more of these funny pictures here.

4. Bye Bye Blockbuster

Ever since Red Box and Netflix were invented….Blockbuster and all those other fun places are going out of business. I used to LOVE going to the movie store, especially with my girl friends before a girly sleepover. As soon as I walked in I would just be overwhelmed by all the choices and would scan the new releases twice. Round one, I would think about it, round two I would make my decision. Now, it’s as easy as a click of a button and that takes away from the excitement of it all. I think making the rental of a movie so easy is unnecessary. Too much technology – making life WAY too comfortable and easy while taking the fun out of it.

5. Harley Says

Do you ever wonder what your dog is thinking? And if he could talk…what exactly would he say? Toblerone and I make up voices for Harley and talk for him (weirdos) but I wish he was blessed with vocal chords so we could have a chit chat every now and then. I wonder if he would ask for tea instead of water….or a crumpet instead of a dog bone. Would he talk politics or the latest hottie on the street? Would he use swear words or have a sweet little kid voice (after all – he’s only 17 months!)  For now, he’s my mute of a dog and I love him more than anything!

6. Why is my sweater there?

I’m also so shocked to wake up and find the clothes I went to bed in to be all over the place. What really surprises me is not knowing how they got there. In normal day time hours when I’m trying to pull a sweater over my head I always get my ears stuck or end up with static hair all over my face. So what boggles my mind is how I manage to do this and fix myself back into sleeping mode without so much as waking up fully. I mean, really? Do I somehow have noddle arms in my sleep so my sweater just falls right off? And is my hair wet so that doesn’t move an inch either? What in the world?! I’m just struck my this and every morning I wake up and I see my PJ’s on the floor or under my covers somewhere I start to question myself. Or maybe I should question Toblerone? Just sayin.

7. What’s Next?

I am always trying to plan my next move. Where will I be in 5 years? In Germany still? Or maybe back in the US. Australia perhaps? Hanging out with the Dingos! I usually don’t stay in one place very long…only in Maine and NY have I been in one spot for more than 3 years. I have the travel bug in me and I need to constantly be stimulating my brain with new sites and new culture, new people, new faces, new food. You get the idea.

 

UPDATE: The garden is superb!! They started laying down some of the 8 billion stones we received and it’s starting to look like a backyard! I’m so excited!! And when I say “Garden” I mean the whole yard. Here in Germany they call the whole yard a “garden.”  So, things are going well and they are moving along fast! They’ve only been at it for 5 days now and the stones in the Jacuzzi area are all placed and the walkway has begun! TA DA!!!  I’ll keep you posted on more news and more pictures are to be coming too!! :-)))  

Until next time, Readers!!! xoxoxoxoxo