Truth Be Told

I suppose I should explain why I chose suddenly not to get the surgery to check out how bad my endometriosis is or hopefully isn’t. To put it simply, it’s all bad timing.

First of all my visa expires June 30th. I was here for 3 months before I was issued my 9 month “Student’s visa.” My German language course was the only reason I’ve been able to stay here without being married.

So part two of this story is that I know I will always need these surgeries for the rest of my life for preventative pain measures or to pursue a family. In the moment, it’s April…I wouldn’t be able to start the fertility process until June or later. I don’t want my body to be cut open unless it’s necessary. Last time the Endo was so severe I was down and out for a week when normally the downtime is 2 days at most. I can’t deal with that again! I think the doctor’s here were a little to trigger happy. First steps I think are to sit down with a fertility clinic. Here in Germany the GYN has no part in the fertility process. Completely ass-backwards if you ask me but whatever! So I think if I can line up the fertility stuff with the GYN stuff then we’re good to go. I wish I knew that months ago because I could have gotten a start on it but you all know how I feel about dealing with doctors over here. Not so pleasant and COMPLETELY unorganized.

I had to go into the hospital (1.5 hour drive both ways) the working day before my surgery for pre-op discussions. I met with 4 different people over the course of 5 hours. To do what exactly? The same stuff they could have done with one doctor the day of. It was INSANE. The process was ridiculous and I felt like I was in some sketchy plastic surgery hospital in Mexico. I wouldn’t even find out my surgeon until minutes before my surgery. That to me is insane. My OBGYN in the US was also my surgeon. I had no qualms about it. Here, they didn’t know who it would be and they never make the process personal. I realize doctors can’t attach themselves to one case and it make it their own but it would be nice if they tried. For me, this is my whole world and to put it into a bunch of people’s hands is not for me.

At this moment the time frame didn’t make sense. I want a family but I want one when the timing allows for it. I realize chaos and stress may cause it all to be delayed anyways, so I’m waiting.

A million people yesterday told the world they are having another baby or their first one. I’m so unbelievably happy for everyone but truth be told, my heart breaks every single time. It’s just unfair. I won’t go on and on…you all know how I feel. I just hope by the time all the pieces fall together it won’t be too late.

Until next time, Readers! Xoxoxoxo

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