Yesterday was my first appointment at the Women’s Clinic here in Germany. I had been pretty nervous about this for a few days but was trying to mask it by keeping busy (hence the lack of a blog post! SORRY!) Now that my nerves are back together, I’m doing good and can tell you all about this stage of the journey!
So this place is known for it’s specialists in Endometriosis and even though I was nervous I was still hopeful that they wouldn’t get my hopes up right away. Unlike my regular doctor who flat out told me that babies and me weren’t meant to be. Bitch. After the hour long drive we arrive to this massive city and to this massive University Hospital with multiple buildings. I got right into my appointment with maybe a 4 minute wait time which was excellent considering how I couldn’t focus on anything anyways.
After the tests and what not (you’re not getting the details) they told me that they will need to do another laparoscopic surgery. It’s through the belly button which makes me want to barf just thinking about it. Did I ever tell you guys that I HATE belly buttons? They make me gag. Anywhooooo WAY off topic. So another surgery – and if there is a lot of endometriosis they won’t touch anything. They will sew me back up and after the surgery will put me back through the miserable menopause injections called Lupron for 2-3 months to shrink up the large masses. After the 3 months is done, I will go back in for a second surgery where at this time it’s easier for them to zap all the crap out. That’s option number one. Number two is they go in for the surgery and where there isn’t a lot of tissue to remove, they will just zap it out of there and sew me up. Then the baby making process will start.
However, this baby making process is freaking me out a little bit. I’m not sure what is to come after the surgery. There is still the possibility that it will be too difficult for us to conceive naturally. There is the possibility that the fertility processes may not work. There is a possibility that after years of trying we still will come up empty handed. I need to stop waiting for the “bad news” and focus on the positive but thats really hard when the one dream you have could be crushed in one appointment. Luckily, I like my doctor and she will not be harmed if in fact the news is bad. I promise!
So here’s to stage one of the process. Really wishing it wasn’t going to be such a long and winding road. (Queue: Beatles) I guess the part we are waiting to hear is whether or not I have stage I,II, III, or IV of this illness. One and two we can work with…three and four is much too difficult I think and we will consider our other options. Anyone up to be my surrogate?! Anyways, thanks for reading, listening, and following my babble of a journey. I’m super glad I have my Toblerone right by my side through all this, I know it hasn’t been easy for him either. (Thanks Bubs!) It helps me for some reason to just get it out in the open. I’m gonna show this mean old Endo that I’m not scared of it and I will fight it to the death!
Until next time, Readers!!!!! xoxoxoxoxoxo