I’m tired and I’m sick. No, not tired and sick of living here… I actually quite like it, that is, if I could get out to explore it all. I’ve had seriously chronic lower back pain since I was 18 years old. I’m now almost 27 and I’m starting to realize that a good majority of my life has been taken by this medical mystery. Thats right, folks, I’m a mystery.
I’ve seen so many doctors, specialists and mothers, that you would think by now someone has a clue. Oh no…no clues have been given. I’m sent on my merry way every time with a, “hmmm…I’m not sure what it could be! Have you tired to ice it?” It’s exhausting. My poor family and friends…and of course Harley and Toblerone have all suffered through this with me. I can’t walk…I can’t eat…I can’t do ANYTHING except cry. I know you people don’t want to hear about my sob story….there are worse things in the world. I guess I just want someone to fix me. It’s frustrating enough to spend thousands of dollars on medical testing and doctor’s, and ER visits every time this acts up. I just want someone to heal this issue so I can go on living my life!
You know, it’s like if you have cancer…someone can do a test, and be told. Or if you’re diabetic…again, it takes a test and you know what it is. Can you imagine feeling such severe pain you rather wish you were dead and the smartest doctors in the world just look at you and blink?? What is that?! Certainly isn’t confidence that one day you will live a normal life.
So yes, it’s dibilitating, paralyzing, and incredibly painful. It’s gradually become worse over the years and when we thought we figured it out, it would come back. It’s now become pain management. This bout of it all has come as a shock to me. We had recently found that I had acquired such terrible endometriosis ( attached to my appendix and gall bladder) that had I not had this “diagnostic test” I would have certainly been back in the hospital with a burst appendix from it all. Awesome! Due to this, my doc put me on Lupron – a.k.a. Menopause. They put my body through temporary menopause for 6 months which means I give my body a rest from the monthly woman issues and gain HOT FLASHES!!! WHOOO!!!!! Note: I am NOT looking forward to being 50 and getting these again. I figured I could handle it for 6 months…my last injection was in Jan…it’s now March and I’m still getting them. The miracle of it all was I didn’t have back pain. NONE for those 6 months. As soon as I stop the injections…it’s attacking me once again. COME ON!!!!!
Let’s lists all of things have I done and according to The Mayo Clinic…thats all there is to do!
Physical Therapy and Exercise
Blood and Urine Tests
Cognitive Behavorial Therapy
I have successfully completed all of these things with no answer. Kill me now. ANDDDDDDD this does not included the ridiculous long and scary list of drugs I’ve popped. My mom can account for this. I woke up in SEVERE pain in August (a few days before the Lupron) and honestly, couldn’t take it anymore. I was already walking with a cane and my pride was demolished. I stopped wearing stilletos (MY FAVORITE THINGS IN THE WORLD) many moons ago. Toblerone was scared because all I was doing was sitting there and screaming/sobbing. I couldn’t sit, couldn’t lay down but standing was ok. Standing and not moving.
My mom came to take me to the hospital and I stood….I stood for about an hour or two in the waiting room. Then I stood for several hours behind the terribly and not fashion-forward curtain. ( I had to stare at it for ages.) I was in so much pain at this point I wasn’t moving at all. They gave me an injection of morphine and percocet (I believe)…came back 30 minutes later and nothing had changed so they gave me a pill of something else, another 30 minutes later and nothing changed again so I was given another two injections again of morphine and percocet. At this point, my body was shutting down. I was exhausted and there was SO much medicine in my bloodstream, I was able to sit on the bed and res my head tovsleep on the little roley poley dinner tray. And what does the doctor tell me? “Oh, I don’t know what you have, we can only make you comfortable in the ER, we can’t diagnose.” For as hot as he was….and as drugged as I was….I let that one go. However, it still makes me angry today. This is my life story…lots of drugs, no help.
I’m patiently ( although honestly, not so patiently) awaiting for my insurance to clear here so I can get my broken ass to the doctor. I’m DYING for something other than these 2400mg of Ibuprofen I’m downing (which don’t even touch the pain.) If there are any doctors out there….PLEASE HELP ME!
I just want to be able to move around and go to Toblerone’s soccer games, or go out with friends, walk my dog, sit and watch a movie, SLEEP, just anything without crying about it or limping. I’m 27, not 80! Right now, I’m sitting on my couch…where I have been for the past week, praying for a miracle. Toblerone is sound asleep upstairs in our big bed and the sofa is where I live.
I know this post isn’t that exciting or about Germany, but you know…sometimes it’s best to just get it out! So brighten my day and subscribe to this blog. 🙂 It’s the option on the lower right hand side 🙂 THANKS!