Day 4 – Your First Love
Before I begin I would like to point out that yesterday was my beautiful mother’s birthday (Doesn’t look a day over 30!) and today would have been the day we hop on a fluffy little plane and flop into the US. I’m a little sad because I was really looking forward to seeing my grandparents, my parents, siblings, friends, and the vast array of restaurants I’ve been missing such as Dinosaur BBQ, Panera Bread, Starbucks, Bonefish Grill, can’t leave out the Giant Wegmans….and the list could go on. So…without further ado…I start my pity searching blog into the tale of the First Love.
At first I had to really think about this. I’ve had many boyfriends and what not but I wasn’t sure which ones I was REALLY in love with. I would have to say it was Arthur – *name changed for obvious reasons! Do you really think I would date an Arthur? I was just 22 I believe, oh the days of nights out on the town every Friday through Sunday come hell or high water. I was a barfly, always there and I couldn’t get over that there were SO many people *ahem* men/new meat that I had never seen before. I came from a smaller town so everyone knew everyone. I could finally go out with my older friends which was 99% part of the perk.
Back in the days when MySpace was WAY cooler than Facebook I used to get “fan mail” from all sorts of dudes. “Hey baby girl, Waz ur name? You wanna git down sumtyme. I cud show u a rill gud tyme.” I imagined it was said just like that too. On average over 20 messages a day from stalker boys that wanted to “hang out.” Right – get lost! Most of the time I didn’t answer or wrote them something rude back.
And then I get a message from Arthur. Simple and sweet. Just saying hello and commenting on my blue eyes or something. Flirtatious yet not overpowering and he sounded like he had an education at least. After many emails back and forth I decided to meet up with him…at a bar. Ha, that’s obvious. HOWEVER – Please note I wasn’t completely ridiculous, I brought a friend with me. You just never know! So, I honestly didn’t think ANYTHING of this guy. I wasn’t attracted to him but was just making a friend and that’s the honest truth. I went to the bar in a huge sweatshirt, workout pants, and sneakers. My hair was crazy in a ponytail and barely any makeup. This is to prove I wasn’t trying to impress anyone. Just giving myself another reason to go have a drink. As we got there, he happened to be standing close to the door and as soon as I saw him, I don’t know what it was but the switch changed from friend to possibly my husband. (Also had many false ideas of the future when it came to men. A little quick on the trigger I would say!) Immediately I started thinking about wedding dresses, baby names, and carved are initials into the bar. No, I’m kidding about that but I was head over heels from the moment I saw him.
So, after that it started a whirlwind affair of crazy absolute nonsense. The first several months were perfect and then it all started. He got crazy…asking me weird questions about my whereabouts, who I’m with, etc. I was completely in love with him and thought I had it in control to begin with but turns out I lost all my control. To turn this long story into a shorter version – fell in love with an abusive prick and after he cheated on me three times and threw me down his manipulative bipolar tunnel of hell, I finally somewhere somehow got the strength to move on and never looked back. I found him with someone else and I cried so hard I puked on my kitchen floor in front of my darling roommate and her date that she had just went out with. Classy and dramatic – as usual. I was paralyzed with pain and sadness for several weeks. But, every day got a little bit better. A little bit easier. The thing is when you’re with someone like that who has you chained up practically, it really takes inner strength to push forward. I allowed myself to text him once. A really really long text but I said my peace and I went my way. That was the end of it for me. I had to get out and now was my chance.
It’s certainly not a relationship I want to remember however, when the days were good…they were really beautiful and I always wanted a relationship where I could have those kind of days back again. I have that now and love hanging out with Toblerone mostly because he’s my best friend and we do everything together and have a frickin blast while doing it. With Arthur my world was turned upside down and I was forced to be distant with my beautiful family and I can’t imagine being that way now. It’s not right, it’s not the way it should be. It should be perfect all the time. Toblerone and I rarely argue only about little things like the house or whatever but there is an understanding that comes with a good relationship. We argue for 5 seconds and then it’s over. Then we’re laughing while we’re making dinner together. This is how it should be!
Some of the things he would do were absolutely insane. Like, throw glass at my bare feet to prove a point or hijack my cell phone and literally make me chase him on foot all over town as he called every phone number listed and ask the person on the other end if he was sleeping with me. What kind of weirdo does that? And I was stupid enough to stay with him. Half out of fear maybe but more so that I hung on to hope that he would change – that day would never come. If only I knew what I know now! I was so young and too inexperienced with a “real relationship” to know that this was unhealthy and very dangerous.
Then there were the good things when we were out one night he pulled me aside around all his friends and told me how much he loved me and started to cry when he told me how he couldn’t wait to see me walk down the aisle in a white dress to him. Or the night that he gave me a rose, blindfolded me and drove me to the ocean to dance under the stars to our favorite song. I wish I knew that this was the bi-polar Arthur. Manic, wild, and fun and then dangerous, aggressive, and depressed. It was insane. Literally in a matter of 24 hours I could see Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde 4 or 5 times each!
With Arthur it was the ups and downs that made it exciting. I’m glad that roller coaster has expired. I’m much happier now and way better off than I was before. I’m sure all those who were by my side during that time would agree. So…that’s my story and I’m sticking to it!
If you know anyone who has been or is being abused, don’t ignore it. You can help by not blaming the person who is being abused and reminding yourself that it’s not as easy as saying, “Just break up with him/her.” I encourage you to educate yourself, abuse comes in many different forms -
Until next time, readers!! xoxoxo!